Guy Who Says 'Previously On Heroes' Wishes He Was Guy Who Says 'Previously On Lost'
LOS ANGELES—David Cavanaugh, best known as the guy who says "Previously on Heroes" at the beginning of the hit NBC…
90210 Being Remade
Nineties teen soap opera Beverly Hills 90210 is being remade with a whole new cast of characters. What do you think?
Fearmongers, Warmongers Gather For Annual Mongering Conference
WASHINGTON—Approximately 550 mongers in the fields of war, hate, and fear mongered together at the Washington D.C.…
Dancer Risks Everything
CHICAGO—Although she stood to lose her friends, her family, and everything she had worked for her entire life,…
Nation Trying To Remember What Team That One Guy Played For
NEW YORK—As of Wednesday, Americans were still attempting to remember what professional team that one guy played for,…
Marine Determined To Win Heart, Mind Of At Least One Iraqi
BAGHDAD—Despite several failed attempts to secure the popular support of the Iraqi people, Lance Cpl. David Hoekner…
Mike Mussina Convinced He's Won A World Series
NEW YORK—In an interview dealing with the highlights of his 18-year career, All-Star Yankee pitcher Mike Mussina seemed…
Barry Bonds' Job Prospects
The Giants let Barry Bonds go after last season, and the home-run record holder is still on the free-agent market.…
Pat Riley's Sexual Bribes Tempt David Stern To Allow Heat Into Playoffs
NEW YORK—Sources close to the NBA commissioner say David Stern may yet succumb to the powerfully intoxicating sexual…
Mathematics To Retire Favre's Number
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Mathematicians, statisticians, number theorists, and members of numeral-oriented professions held a press…
Royals Told Not To Get Uniforms Dirty
KANSAS CITY—Before taking the field last Wednesday for their game against the Minnesota Twins, Kansas City Royals…
Toronto Columnist Writes Annual 'Blue Jays Have A Chance' Article
TORONTO—Following a flurry of offseason activity by his hometown Blue Jays, Toronto Star baseball columnist Richard…
25% Of Teen Girls Infected With STD
In a new study, the Centers for Disease Control found that at least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually…