Right To Own Guns Upheld
In its first interpretation of the Second Amendment in 80 years, the Supreme Court overturned Washington D.C.'s gun ban, stating that Americans had the right to own handguns. What do you think?
George Takei To Wed Partner
Following California's legalization of gay marriage, George Takei, best known as Sulu on Star Trek, has applied to marry his longtime partner. What do you think?
Straight Men, Gay Women Have Similar Brains
Swedish researchers have found that the brains of straight men and lesbians display many of the same characteristics. What do you think?
Local Bar Comes Out As Gay
SEATTLE—After years of trying to deny the obvious and fit in with other downtown establishments, area bar Mad Hatters finally came out as gay this week, shocking hundreds of residents who thought they knew the Seattle tavern.
Gay Guy's Gay Thing Well Attended
ROCHESTER, NY—According to gay sources, local gay guy Joshua Norstrand's latest gay dance party or art thing was attended by as many as 50 other gays. "Josh's [gay] events are always a big hit," said fellow gay guy Michael Whitmore, who thankfully did not go into detail about whatever goes on at those things. "What…
Bisexual's Parents Half-Understand
EVANSTON, IL—The parents of recently admitted bisexual Jeremy Lambert said they completely half-understand their 19-year-old son's lifestyle choice and are 50 percent behind him no matter what happens, sources reported Monday. "I can honestly say that I partially accept my son for the special person he is," said…
Confiscated Patriots Videotapes Contain Extensive Footage Of Tom Brady Showering
NEW YORK—The hundreds of hours of game and practice scouting videotapes that league officials seized from the New England Patriots also include over 100 hours of painstakingly thorough footage of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady in the shower, sources within the NFL competition committee confirmed Tuesday.
WNBA Season Highlights
Onion Sports looks back at the best moments from the 11th season of women's professional basketball:
Thought Of Cross-Dressing, Joining LPGA Briefly Crosses David Duval's Mind
DENVER, CO—Though he is currently taking a brief sabbatical from golf to spend time with his family, David Duval once again entertained thoughts of dressing in a modest, clean-lined polo shirt, a crisp knee-length navy cotton skirt, and classic pedal-pusher golf shoes in the interest of entering the LPGA Tour under…
Gay Marriage Could Be Profitable
According to a report from the city's comptroller, New York City would stand to gain $142 million in the first three years of legalized gay marriage. What do you think?
Where Do Homosexuals Get All Their Energy?
Boy, am I beat. And it's not like I have some crazy life where I'm working three jobs and going to night school. No, I just have one job and a small apartment. I don't even have a pet to look after. Even so, it seems that no matter what I do, there's always more. If they put another eight hours in the day, I might be…
Area Man Has Sex With Man To Get Out Of Office Blood Drive
ABBEVILLE, GA—In an effort to devise a plausible reason to excuse himself from an office-wide blood donation drive this Friday, systems specialist Brett Karns, 32, reporterdly engaged in unprotected sex with another man last weekend.
