Friend Somehow Bad At Hanging Out
HOLDREGE, NE—According to local resident Jay Reagor, his longtime friend Geoff Scovell, 25, is somehow not good at…
5-Year-Old Wants To Be A Tractor When She Grows Up
AKRON, OH—In a statement delivered to friends, family members, and household pets, Kendall Garretson announced Monday…
Life Expectancy Falls
A study at the Harvard Global Health Initiative shows that, for a segment of the population, life expectancy is lower…
U.S. Intelligence: Burundi May Be Developing Telephone
WASHINGTON—According to a report released by the Pentagon, evidence suggests that the small Central African nation of…
All-Star Game Gimmicks
As if it weren't enough to feature the game's top players in the only All-Star game in all the pro sports with any real…
Economy Down, Crimestoppers Tips Up
As food and gas increase in price, so, too, do calls to Crimestoppers looking to trade tips for reward money. What do yo…
Girlfriend Wants To Leave Game Now
BOSTON—According to eyewitness reports, Jennifer Holleman, 25, wants to leave the game now despite the difficulty and…
Jamie Moyer Change-Up Arrives At Home Plate After Long Journey
PHILADELPHIA—Following a 60-foot, six-inch voyage that began at the distant pitching rubber, a Jamie Moyer-thrown…
Mark Cuban Buys Sports
DALLAS—Billionaire Mark Cuban, tired of the opposition he has encountered from NBA management in his role as owner of…
Experts Find Having Fun Not Necessarily A Key To Victory
NEW YORK—Despite repeated entreaties from coaches that players just go out there and have fun, recent research and…
At-Bat Following Grand Slam Just Kind Of Awkward
HOUSTON—Astros right fielder Hunter Pence expressed consternation following teammate Miguel Tejada's seventh inning…