Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy
MENA, AR—After an extensive three-month-long search, the Polk County Sheriff’s Department located missing 9-year-old…
Oi! The Americans 'ave Picked A President!
Well bless my 'eart and call me Cromwell! The yank election 'as come to an end at last. Isn't it wonderful? A new…
Circular Editor Makes Last-Minute Call To Run Fabric Softener As Top Coupon
MONTVALE. NJ—In a crucial, 11th-hour decision for one of the tristate area's largest weekly bargain supplements,…
Peregrine Falcon Acting Pretty Cocky Since Being Taken Off Endangered Species List
WASHINGTON—Only a few short years after being removed from the endangered species list, the American peregrine…
'Jurassic Park' Author Dies
Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park, Congo, and The Andromeda Strain, died Tuesday at 66. What do you think?
As An Older World's Strongest Man, There Are Certain Trucks I Can't Pull Anymore
Aging is tough. The hardest part for me has been coming to grips with the fact that some of the physical abilities I…
Who's Gonna Hallo-wean My Kids Off All This Candy?
I've got a little joke for you, loyal readers. Now, I know what you're all thinking: "A joke in your column, Roger?…
Study: Autism Linked To Rainfall
A study from Cornell University has found a correlation between higher levels of precipitation and incidences of…
Kobe Bryant Scores 25 In Holy Shit We Elected A Black President
LOS ANGELES—Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant had a typically solid performance from the field last night, scoring 25…
Perkins Management Disappointed To See Daunte Culpepper Leave So Soon
ORLANDO, FL—Day manager Gary Campbell of the Perkins restaurant on Conroy Road thanked Daunte Culpepper for his…
Lee Corso Starting To Feel Weird At College Parties
BATON ROUGE, LA—In town with College GameDay for a matchup between No. 1 Alabama and No. 15 LSU, 72-year-old Lee Corso…
Cory Matthews, Mr. Feeny Share Joyous Moment Following Phillies World Series Victory
PHILADELPHIA—Lifetime Phillies fans Cory Matthews, 27, and his former next-door neighbor, educator, and longtime…