ERIE, PA—Local fast food consumer and occasional motorist Don Turnbee announced his decision Wednesday to bypass I-79's Greenville exit in hopes that the following turnoff would lead to more appealing fast food options.
WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed in the Oval Office after spontaneously expelling a 3-pound kidney stone from his bladder, sources reported Tuesday. According to witnesses, the president was attending his daily Iraq War briefing when he suddenly began shrieking loudly and clutching his abdomen, a mixture of blood…
A new report in the journal Nature Genetics points to genetic markers for baldness that could be screened for. What do you think?
CARMICHAELS, PA— Sources confirmed yesterday that that kid in the Carmichaels YMCA youth basketball league, the one who plays for the team in yellow jerseys sponsored by Grimaldi Dental Associates, played another game Tuesday wearing blue jeans.
TACOMA, WA—Michael Renfro, a 68-year-old retired CPA with an apple hovering in front of his face, announced Monday that he has filed a $15 million lawsuit against the estate of deceased Belgian artist René Magritte for unlawfully using his likeness in the 1964 painting The Son Of Man.
What are you thankful for this year?
WASHINGTON—The Federal Aviation Administration stated Wednesday that, according to all available evidence, airplanes are just as afraid of carrying sportscaster John Madden as he is of traveling on them. "Airliners have a not unreasonable fear that, were John Madden to board them, it would increase their chances of…
CHICAGO—At a press conference Wednesday, the Chicago Cubs and their absence from the World Series announced an agreement to a four-year contract extension, with an option for another six years.
CHICAGO—Despite Matt Forte's remarkably strong rookie year thus far, Bears coaches are concerned that their running back's progress may be hindered by his habit of carefully thanking the quarterback after each handoff. "It demonstrates his strong character and team ethic, but it really is unnecessary to say things…
As the trend towards ecological awareness continues, we look at how stock car racing is responding to an increasingly greener world.