Incompetent Staff Feels Underappreciated
KNOXVILLE, TN—Taking a break from surfing the web, going out for multiple cups of coffee, and missing important work…
Lesser Piece Of Paper Used To Test Pen's Viability
CHICAGO—A lesser piece of paper—one of no practical use and little overall consequence—was employed Monday to test out…
Man Gets Into Mess Usually Reserved For Stars Of Silent Film Era
BOWLING GREEN, KY—Stumbling around his study with a large metal bucket lodged firmly over his head, area accountant and…
Gannett Forces Employees To Take Unpaid Week Off
The Gannett Company, publisher of 85 daily newspapers across the United States, is making all its employees take a…
Facebook Friend Apparently Dead Now
KANSAS CITY, MO—While checking his news feed for updates on the 438 people in his extended network Monday night, Tom…
Charles Barkley Finally Gets That Blow Job
SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Weeks after being arrested for driving under the influence while seeking out oral sex from a certain…
Controversial Hall of Fame Selections
Voters almost unanimously sent Rickey Henderson to Cooperstown, but some inductees barely made the cut. We run down the…
Jake Delhomme Throws Keys To Wrong Valet
CHARLOTTE, NC—Claiming that he felt "rushed," Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme failed to connect on a 5-foot pass to…
Rickey Henderson Says He'll Only Join Hall Of Fame If He Can Start
SCOTTSDALE, AZ—All-time stolen base leader Rickey Henderson told Baseball Hall of Fame officials Monday that he would…
Archie Manning: "Donovan McNabb Is Also My Son"
NEW ORLEANS—Following the Eagles NFC divisional playoff victory over the Giants, Archie Manning, retired NFL player and…