Cash-Strapped Indy 500 To Charge Dollar-A-Lap Toll
INDIANAPOLIS—Financially challenged race organizers announced Wednesday that participants in the 2009 Indianapolis…
NASA Running Out Of Fuel
NASA is running short of plutonium-238, the fuel needed in deep space missions, because nuclear warhead production has…
Cute Kid Given Foul Ball Actually A Little Shit
LOS ANGELES—Though 7-year-old Aaron Edwards is in fact a miserable little shit who constantly picks on his younger…
Royals Unable To Find Themselves In Standings
KANSAS CITY, MO—Players and executives with the 16-11 Royals filed a grievance with MLB officials Tuesday after they…
Area Man First In His Family To Coast Through College
MINNEAPOLIS—At first glance, Daniel Peterson seems no different than any other student: Wearing a ball cap, he's spent…
Mainstream Media At It Again, Bloggers Report
NEW YORK—The mainstream media—a loose consortium of corporate news outlets known for using professionally trained…
Concert Security Guard Would Willingly Give His Life To Protect Coldplay
CHULA VISTA, CA—Twenty-four-year-old security guard Ian Moran told reporters Tuesday that he would gladly lay down his…
Michael Savage Banned From Britain
Conservative radio personality Michael Savage has been included on a list of people unable to enter the U.K. for…
Tim Duncan Begins Summer Job At Apple Genius Bar
SAN ANTONIO—Spurs center Tim Duncan returned to his summer job at the Apple Store Genius Bar Monday, where he provided…
Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel
BURBANK, CA—Telling the movie-going public that it had "better start falling in line," executives at Touchstone…
Hey, Dave, Do You Know A Jack Spencer?
So, Dave, I'm thinking Natilli's on Crawford Avenue for lunch today. You know the place with the green awning that just…
Sun Goes Out For A Few Seconds
TUCSON, AZ—Officials at the Kitt Peak National Observatory are saying that, while the short period of utter darkness…