Area Man Has Heard Of Andre Ethier
BRECKSVILLE, OH—Local man and casual baseball fan Leon Markham confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he has definitely…
Kevin Youkilis Keeps Everyone On Bus Awake With Another One Of His Nasty Sex Stories
TAMPA, FL—Red Sox infielder Kevin Youkilis reportedly prevented everyone on the team bus from sleeping Monday when he…
Pack Of Baseball Cards Comes With Doubles Of Jose Fucking Contreras
SAN FRANCISCO—In what was described as a "total fucking rip-off," collector Kirk Poole purchased a pack of Topps…
Haiti Makes Bid For 2216 Olympics
PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI—Emphasizing the country's warm tropical climate, vibrant culture, and long-term plans to…
Yamaha CEO Pleased With Current Production Of Jet Skis, Alto Saxophones, Snowmobiles, Power Generators, Scooters, Golf Carts
HAMAMATSU, JAPAN—Despite concerns over the recent global recession, Yamaha Corporation president Mitsuru Umemura…
Arizona Wildcats Freshman Point Guard Already Calling School 'Zona'
TUCSON, AZ—In an effort to impress his new University of Arizona teammates, Wildcats freshman point guard Lamont Jones…
Gmail Suffers Major Outage
An overloaded Google router caused a shutdown of Gmail on Tuesday, affecting 150 million users for nearly two hours.…
Loser Senior Takes Loser Freshman Under His Wing
MARGATE, FL—In a rare act of upperclassman generosity, Mangrove High School loser senior Chris Payack announced Monday…
How Will Michigan Rebound In 2009?
Following a terrible 3-9 outing in 2008, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez desperately needs the football team to win in…
You Follow One Kid Home, Rip Out His Eyes And All The Sudden You're A 'Killer' Squirrel
I'm a happy-go-lucky squirrel who loves living the good life of climbing trees and eating nuts. Mostly eating nuts.…
Walletless Biden Found Handcuffed To Bedpost
WASHINGTON—According to an incident report filed by the Secret Service, special agents responded early Wednesday…