Catcher Doesn't Have Heart To Throw Out Stealing Johnny Damon
ARLINGTON, TX—Compassionate Texas Rangers catcher Mike Napoli could not bring himself to throw out Rays’ 37-year-old…
B.J. Raji Shouldn’t Have Eaten That Burrito, Cheeseburger, Bag Of Chips, Ice Cream Sandwich, Cheesecake, Second Burrito Before Game
INDIANAPOLIS—Green Bay Packers defensive tackle B.J. Raji admitted Friday that it may not have been a good decision to…
Level-Headed Yankee Fans To Take Curtis Granderson's Excellent Season Into Account Should He Struggle Down Stretch
NEW YORK—The New York Yankees fanbase, known for its level headed and reasonable disposition, released a collective…
Terrelle Pryor
The Raiders acquired the controversy-ridden Ohio State quarterback in the NFL supplementary draft. Is he any good?
NFL Fans Looking Forward To Season Of Touchbacks
NEW YORK—The National Football League's decision to move kickoffs to the 35 yard line has football fans across the…
Cash-Strapped Oklahoma To Conduct Executions By Hammering Squad
OKLAHOMA CITY—Facing a budget shortfall, the State of Oklahoma announced Thursday it would cease to conduct capital…
Novelist Has Whole Shitty World Plotted Out
GLOUCESTER, MA—As he neared completion this week on his latest novel, By The Water's Edge, author Edward Milligan…
America Gets Set To Enjoy Month Or So Of Libya Seeming Like Symbol Of Freedom
GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Americans across the nation told reporters Wednesday that with the collapse of Muammar Qaddafi’s…
Brawl Highlights Decades Of Tension Between China, Georgetown
BEIJING—The bench-clearing brawl during last week’s exhibition game between the Georgetown Hoyas and China’s Bayi…
Space Station Supply Rocket Crashes
A Russian rocket carrying nearly 3 tons of supplies for the International Space Station crashed five minutes after…
Republicans Praise Nixon Administration For Allowing Qaddafi To Rule Libya So He Could One Day Be Overthrown
WASHINGTON—GOP officials claimed credit Thursday for the Libyan people’s liberation from Col. Muammar Qaddafi’s…
Steve Jobs Resigns
Said to be in poor health, Apple CEO Steve Jobs stepped down late Wednesday. What do you think?