B.J. Raji Shouldn’t Have Eaten That Burrito, Cheeseburger, Bag Of Chips, Ice Cream Sandwich, Cheesecake, Second Burrito Before Game

INDIANAPOLIS—Green Bay Packers defensive tackle B.J. Raji admitted Friday that it may not have been a good decision to eat a burrito, cheeseburger, bag of chips, ice cream sandwich, cheesecake, and a second burrito before his game against the Colts. "I know coach says we shouldn't eat before games, but I didn't think…

Level-Headed Yankee Fans To Take Curtis Granderson's Excellent Season Into Account Should He Struggle Down Stretch

NEW YORK—The New York Yankees fanbase, known for its level headed and reasonable disposition, released a collective statement Monday claiming that, should MVP candidate Curtis Granderson begin to slump come September, they would carefully take into consideration his excellent season before determining exactly how they…

Republicans Praise Nixon Administration For Allowing Qaddafi To Rule Libya So He Could One Day Be Overthrown

WASHINGTON—GOP officials claimed credit Thursday for the Libyan people’s liberation from Col. Muammar Qaddafi’s despotic 42-year rule, saying that without the Nixon administration permitting Qaddafi to take control of Libya in the first place, there never would have been a tyrannical regime to topple. “In 1969,…