Report: Fax Machines Still Pretty Impressive If You Think About It
WASHINGTON—Fax machines, despite using 40-year-old technology and having come into prominence in the 1980s, are…
Area Man Obsessed With Knowing If Kevin Spacey Asshole In Real Life
VANCOUVER, WA—Local resident Pat Brouger spent more than an hour Saturday speculating about whether or not actor Kevin…
Monsanto Corn Under Attack By Superbug
An Iowa entomologist discovered a corn rootworm that has evolved to be resistant to a pesticide produced by a…
Nostalgic Scientists Rediscover Polio Vaccine
NEW YORK—A half century after Jonas Salk first devised a vaccine for polio, nostalgic researchers at NYU Medical Center…
Circus Train Wreck Not Funny, Investigators Emphasize
ALTOONA, PA—Following the fiery derailment of a 56-car Ringling Bros. circus train Wednesday, hundreds of clowns,…
Earthquake Tests East Coast Preparedness
Emergency management professionals questioned the readiness of Washington, D.C., New York, and other cities after a…
New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse And There's Nothing We Can Do About It
NEW YORK—The publication this week of Dick Cheney’s memoir, In My Time, has revealed the former vice president enjoys a…
Perry Became Millionaire In Politics
Since entering public office, Texas governor Rick Perry has profited from multiple land deals that, according to…
Patient Referred To Physician Who Specializes In Giving A Shit
NORTH PLATTE, NE—After visiting his primary care physician Tuesday with complaints of intense pain in his left leg,…
Failing U.S. Economy No Reason At All To Stop Investing In Print Media, All Experts Agree
NEW YORK—The nation's top experts unanimously agreed Tuesday that the current struggles of the U.S. economy were no…