LIVERMORE, CA—Judging by his 18-month-old son's recent cognitive developments, local father Ryan Hardell figures he has about three more months to get drunk, curse, and make cruel jokes before the child begins forming long-term memories. "It's pretty great not having to second-guess whether the shit I'm doing is…
WASHINGTON—According to Capitol Hill sources, Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL) came to the painful realization this week that agribusiness lobbyist Stephen Fischer, who had been kind and generous toward him for months and had often met up with him for drinks after work, was not, in fact, his friend.
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that it "doesn't really make a difference," Jacksonville Jaguars officials announced Saturday they plan to play the 2012 season without a head coach. "We took a look at our roster, our support staff, even ourselves as management, and basically determined the difference between having a head…
98,344th Pair Leaves 32-Year-Old Man Entirely Sated
In a recent editorial in the journal Nature, researchers from the University of California–San Francisco suggested that as a toxic substance, sugar should be taxed and regulated like alcohol or tobacco. What do you think?
INDIANAPOLIS—Sports journalists and television crews were pushed aside during Super Bowl Media Day on Tuesday as more than 1,000 writers for the website BleacherReport.com entered Lucas Oil Stadium to acquire material for their trademark style of reportage. "I asked Tom Bardy [sic] where he thought he should be on my…
Last week, SEAL Team Six, the Navy strike force responsible for killing Osama bin Laden, rescued two humanitarian aid workers who'd been taken hostage by Somali pirates. With such a stressful line of work, the team needs a little down time now and then. Here's how the elite military squad unwinds:
TUCSON, AZ—A University of Arizona study published this week in the American Journal Of Sociology suggests that some adult humans may occasionally feel compassion, a trait scientists have long considered beyond the capacity of the species. "A small percentage of the roughly 900 subjects we observed seemed at times to…
An unopened one-gallon jar of Hellmann's mayonnaise quietly expired last week.
A study in the journal Proceedings Of The National Academy of Sciences links a drastic decline in raccoons and other mammals in the Florida everglades to the introduction of Burmese pythons. What do you think?
Horrified Workers Watch As Colleague Torn Apart By Powerful Content-Gathering Engine
132-Room Estate Includes Personal Chef, 24-Hour Security Detail