I Get To Determine Whether Gay People Can Marry
Last week, the Supreme Court decided to take up a pair of cases related to gay marriage, cases that will for the first…
Boehner Just Wants Wife To Listen, Not Come Up With Alternative Debt-Reduction Ideas
WASHINGTON—Amid the continuing debate over the upcoming “fiscal cliff,” sources close to House Speaker John Boehner…
Chad Greene and Danielle Faye
Chad Greene and Danielle Faye were married before friends and family this weekend, but as of press time it was not…
Pot, Gay Marriage Now Legal In Washington
Same-sex marriage licenses became available in Washington state yesterday at 12:01 a.m., and at the same time, a…
Chris Christie Dreaming About 72-Inch Springsteen Sub
TRENTON, NJ—Slowly licking his lips and salivating as he indulged his imagination, New Jersey governor Chris Christie…
New Study Finds Primitive Customers Capable Of Buying Tools From Hardware Store
PHILADELPHIA—A new study published Friday by scientists at the University of Pennsylvania found that under certain…
Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts
SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area…
Starbucks Opening 3,000 New Stores
The Seattle-based coffee chain Starbucks announced plans to open 3,000 new stores in North and South America over the…
Obama Paranoid Government Coming For His Guns
WASHINGTON—Reflecting attitudes held throughout his personal and political life, President Barack Obama restated…
Sitcom Characters Still In Shock After Christmas Episode Proves Existence Of Santa Claus
ORSON, IN—Characters from ABC situational comedy The Middle are reportedly still in complete and utter shock after the…
Man Freely Smoking Pot in Washington Literally Has No Issue He Feels Strongly About Anymore
SEATTLE—Celebrating the new law in Washington state that allows him to freely smoke marijuana within his home, local…
Apple To Assemble Some Computers In U.S.
Having manufactured its products in Asia since the late 1990s, tech giant Apple announced this week that it would…
Relationship Definitely Hurtling Toward Something
GURNEE, IL—After dating only two months, local couple Marcus Evenberg and Tyra Stone told reporters Wednesday their…