There’s no Bloodmobile this week. Still have some left over from last time, matter of fact.
PORT ST. LUCIE, FL—In a long-standing and pathetic family tradition, father and son Anthony and Justin Stroud this week made their incredibly depressing annual trip down to Florida to watch the New York Mets play in spring training, sources confirmed Sunday. “Every year, me and Justin load up the minivan and head down…
ATHENS, GA—Following a business trip to the distant and mysterious land of Idaho, area sales representative Gary Chichester has returned home from the three-day sojourn bearing exotic gifts for his family, sources confirmed Sunday. “Behold, a lord’s ransom in magnificent spoils!” said the 43-year-old merchant…
'It Was So Close I Thought It Was Going To Hit The Net, But It Didn’t,' Says Nadal
Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH), a leading conservative who was on Mitt Romney’s shortlist for vice president, announced the reversal of his longstanding position against same-sex marriage, saying he had a change of heart after his son came out to him two years ago. What do you think?
NEW YORK—In the latest of an increasingly violent series of murders linked to international prescription drug trafficking, infamous Pfizer cartel leader Philip “El Loco” Cox was gunned down Thursday by rivals from the Bristol-Myers Squibb organization, the FBI has confirmed.
CAMBRIDGE, MA—In a major breakthrough that has sent shockwaves through the basketball community, the nation’s preeminent scientists announced Thursday that a roster capable of supporting Los Angeles Lakers center Dwight Howard could theoretically exist somewhere in the NBA. “With 30 teams and over 400 players in the…
With baseball’s preseason heating up, Onion Sports examines the most exciting moments from the exhibition games.
NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Tuesday that local attorney friends Sam Taub and Peter Glickman unexpectedly met near the main entrance of New York County Courthouse and caught up on family, health, and their careers while quickly descending the building’s 16 front steps.
Fans of the UPN and CW show Veronica Mars, which aired from 2004 to 2007, set a record on the fundraising site Kickstarter, contributing more than $1 million in less than five hours to help finance a Warner Brothers–produced Veronica Mars feature film. What do you think?