Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts
The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a…
Breakfast In Bed Served To Mom Who Just Got Eaten Out
PEORIA, IL—While celebrating Mother’s Day today, local woman and mother of two Ellen Taylor, 38, was reportedly served…
New to the market!
Lovely two-bedroom, one-bath condo, carefully renovated to retain the intoxicating scent of previous tenant Lisa.…
Jason Collins Just Might Be Frontcourt Presence Team Trying To Boost Media Coverage Needs
WASHINGTON—NBA analyst Bruce Bowen reportedly suggested Friday that openly gay free agent center Jason Collins just…
Jason Collins Might Be Just The Frontcourt Presence Team Trying To Boost Media Coverage Needs
WASHINGTON—NBA analyst Bruce Bowen reportedly suggested Friday that openly gay free agent center Jason Collins just…
Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk
ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday…
Florida Restaurant Discontinues Lion-Meat Tacos
After coming under fire by animal rights activists and receiving numerous threats, the Tampa, FL restaurant Taco Fusion…
The 'Great Gatsby' Movie Was Nowhere Near As Good As The Book 'The Hit' By David Baldacci
I was so pumped for the new Great Gatsby movie. It looked awesome, and I went into it with high hopes. The fact that it…
Font Too Small
WASHINGTON—Sources across the nation confirmed today that the font in this article is too small. Reports said the font,…
LeBron James' Career Highlights So Far
With LeBron James winning his fourth MVP award, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the superstar’s career…
29-Year-Old Has Been Going To Different Friend's Wedding Every Weekend For Past 3 Years
STAMFORD, CT—Speaking with reporters Friday after picking up his suit from the dry cleaners, 29-year-old Jeremy Wallace…
Black Voting Rate Surpassed White Voting Rate In 2012
According to Census Bureau data, 66.2 percent of eligible African-American voters turned out to cast a ballot in the…
'Forbes' Names Tim Tebow World’s Most Influential Former Athlete
NEW YORK—Forbes magazine named recently cut New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow as the world’s most influential…