Tough Season - Preview
Tough Season returns with a gritty, hard-hitting look inside the fantasy football locker room of Brad’s Awesome Team.
The Case For And Against Intervening In Syria
While the Obama administration has been considering an armed intervention in Syria following the gassing deaths of…
50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria
According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a…
Students Can’t Believe They’re Actually Sitting In Class With Denison University Starting Quarterback Luke Pavlatos
GRANVILLE, OH—In what many described as “pretty incredible,” students at Denison University expressed disbelief Friday…
Obama Throws Up Right There During Syria Meeting
WASHINGTON—During a meeting with Cabinet-level officials at the White House Friday morning, sources confirmed that…
Bricks Goddamned Everywhere, Reports Psychotic Study
PHILADELPHIA—A psychotic study authored by deranged researchers at the University of Pennsylvania confirmed Thursday…
Latest U.N. Report Shows Raider Nation At Bottom Of Human Development Index Rankings
NEW YORK—According to a new report published Friday by the United Nations Development Programme, Raider Nation has for…
Scientists Grow Miniature Human Brains
Neuroscientists at an Austrian lab have grown pea-sized human brains that reach the same level of development as a…
Word Search On Box Of Frosted Mini-Wheats Fucking Impossible
TROY, NY—A word search puzzle featured on the back of a Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats box is just about fucking…
Fast Food Workers On Strike Across U.S.
Saying they want to be paid $15 an hour, thousands of employees of fast food chains walked off the job today in 50…
Completely Unnatural Mixed-Race Couple Actually Kind Of Beautiful In A Way
LAFAYETTE, IN—While describing the couple’s relationship as nothing short of perverse, sickening, and totally…
Rookie Geno Smith Has Already Mastered Jets Offense
NEW YORK—After Jets quarterback Geno Smith finished last week’s game against the Giants with a 45.7 passer rating, head…
Report: Millions Of Courageous Americans Overcoming Media Pressure To Be Thin
AUSTIN—According to a groundbreaking report released this week by researchers at the University of Texas, tens of…
Features Of ‘Madden 25’
With Electronic Arts releasing Madden NFL 25 this week, Onion Sports examines the new and innovative features of the…