Luther Conover and Patricia Das had one of those really creepy weddings where they take the garter off all sexy.

With Peyton battling Eli this week, Onion Sports examines the greatest conflict of all: Manning vs. Manning. Here’s…

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Two Picks

Fox

PHILADELPHIA—Showing reportedly no signs whatsoever of fear, restraint, or apprehension, sources confirmed today…

Warner Brothers reached a partnership deal with J.K. Rowling to write a series of films based on the Hogwarts…

DALLAS—Despite suffering several bruised ribs during last weekend’s 36-31 victory over the New York Giants, Cowboys…

LANSING, IA—Describing it as “a raging desire over which [she] has absolutely no physical or psychological control,”…

NEW YORK—According to a number of prominent television critics nationwide, the HBO series Boardwalk Empire stretches…

WASHINGTON—Hailing the achievement as a monumental one for both the space program and humanity as a whole, NASA…

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Citing the animal’s ideal physical features and archetypally frisky behavior, Department of…

CALDWELL, ID—Calling it a vital part of his daily routine, local man and utterly depraved masochist Richard Petrillo…

NEW YORK—Providing a unique interpretation of the weekly game broadcast’s iconic introductory music, country singer…

Researchers at Emory University found that men with smaller testicles were more involved fathers and helped to a…

NBC

OLATHE, KS—Despite numerous reservations and misgivings He harbored about the 33-year-old mortgage broker, Jesus…

WASHINGTON—The National Park Service officially reopened the Jefferson Starship Memorial to the public Thursday,…

PHILADELPHIA—A report released Wednesday by economists at the University of Pennsylvania confirmed that the already…