Vol 49 Issue 42

Has radioactive decay tripped the mechanism that sends the hammer swinging, smashing the vial of poison and killing…

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week seven games:

A man reportedly attacked Michael Bay on the set of Transformers 4 in Hong Kong by swinging an air conditioning unit…

THE HEAVENS—Speaking candidly during a rare interview this Thursday, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father,…

NEW YORK—Addressing the show’s legions of passionate fans, HBO executives officially announced Friday that the hit…

CHANDLER, AZ—Nearly uncontrollable with excitement upon learning that coworker Drew Nieman’s parents were visiting,…

CHICAGO—Striking a different tone from previous ads for the sportswear company, a disturbing new Adidas commercial…

CLEMSON, SC—Sources have confirmed that following a review of the latest academic progress reports, Clemson…

Approaching a weekend schedule full of heated rivals facing off on the gridiron, Onion Sports breaks down the most…

Several people in the U.S. have been hospitalized following their apparent use of the highly addictive injectable…

With the United States just hours from hitting the debt ceiling, the House of Representatives voted to pass a…

WASHINGTON—After a 16-day-long government shutdown and a nearly averted financial crisis that left them with their…

WASHINGTON—After Republican lawmakers reached a last-minute agreement Wednesday night to end the government shutdown…

PHILADELPHIA—Speaking at a press conference Thursday about the “sickening compulsion,” a visibly distraught Michael…

I’ll admit it: I’m not necessarily at the top of this office’s totem pole. To be perfectly honest, I don’t have a…

WASHINGTON—Disoriented and “freezing his goddamn nuts off,” a naked Vice President Joe Biden reportedly awoke…

Moose populations are falling sharply across Canada and the northern United States, and while scientists do not have…