Chelsea Clinton Expecting First Child
Chelsea Clinton announced on Thursday that she's expecting her first child with husband Marc Mezvinsky later this fall.…
Man Attempting To Determine Whether Restaurant Closed Without Getting Too Close
BALTIMORE—As he squinted and craned his neck in an effort to peer through the establishment’s front windows from the…
Alabama Quietly Strikes Bo Bice Day From State Calendar
MONTGOMERY, AL—Conceding that there was no longer a need to formally acknowledge the accomplishments of American Idol…
Jaguars Surprised By String Of Prospects Openly Discussing Prior Drug Use, Criminal Activity During Interviews
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that the players completely squandered the opportunity to be selected third overall in this…
Planning The Perfect Easter Egg Hunt
From the White House lawn to the family yard, children across the nation will soon join in the popular holiday…
Online Wizarding University Opens For Harry Potter Fans
Die-hard fans of the Harry Potter series have opened Hogwarts Is Here, a free online university open to “all aspiring…
Gas Station Clerk Glad To See Pump 2 Doing So Well Today
BOONEVILLE, MS—Surveying the eight gas pumps from his post behind the counter at the Walker Avenue Shell station, local…
Fisher-Price Designer Would Like To See 2-Year-Old Try And Choke On Newest Version
EAST AURORA, NY—Remarking upon the toy’s lack of removable parts and childproof battery compartment, Fisher-Price…
‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ Sequel In The Works
The Hollywood Reporter announced that after a decade of delays and script rewrites, film studio Fox 2000 is making a…
New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App
NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Thursday that millions nationwide are signing up for Squandr, a new social discovery app…
Moviegoer Manages To Sneak Candy Past Teenage Usher Earning $7 An Hour
WESTBOROUGH, MA—Executing a plan he had carefully devised and practiced in his mind several times, local moviegoer…
Joe Dumars Resigns To Spend More Time Rebuilding Family
DETROIT—Following several years of lackluster performance and unmet expectations under his own roof, Detroit Pistons…
Newly Discovered Cave Paintings Suggest Early Man Was Battling A Lot Of Inner Demons
CANTABRIA, SPAIN—An archaeological team from the University of Cambridge announced Wednesday the discovery of cave…