Vol 50 Issue 43 - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

Vol 50 Issue 43

Oct 31 2014

American Voices10/31/14

American Voices10/31/14

Town Bans Clown Costumes After Wave Of Terror

Oct 31 2014

Report: 80% Of All Traffic Accidents Caused By Drivers Gawking At Shirtless Hunks

Report: 80% Of All Traffic Accidents Caused By Drivers Gawking At Shirtless Hunks

Oct 31 2014

News in Brief10/31/14

Fourth-Graders Differ Over How Much Allergic Classmate’s Face Swelled Up

News in Brief10/31/14

Fourth-Graders Differ Over How Much Allergic Classmate’s Face Swelled Up

Oct 31 2014

Graphical Feature10/31/14

Halloween By The Numbers

Graphical Feature10/31/14

Halloween By The Numbers

Oct 31 2014

News in Brief10/31/14

Single Mom Ready To Get Back Out There During 30 Minutes Per Week She’s Not Working Or Watching Daughter

News in Brief10/31/14

Single Mom Ready To Get Back Out There During 30 Minutes Per Week She’s Not Working Or Watching Daughter

Oct 31 2014

Sports News In Brief10/31/14

Alabama Boosters Under Fire After Paying For Nick Saban’s Sex Change

Sports News In Brief10/31/14

Alabama Boosters Under Fire After Paying For Nick Saban’s Sex Change

Oct 31 2014

News In Photos10/31/14

White House Receives Letter Addressed To Gerald Ford Or Current President

News In Photos10/31/14

White House Receives Letter Addressed To Gerald Ford Or Current President

Oct 31 2014

Sportsgraphic10/31/14

Fantasy Football Week 9: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em

Sportsgraphic10/31/14

Fantasy Football Week 9: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em

Oct 31 2014

Photo Finish10/31/14

Everyone Praying At Midfield Thinking About Court Appearance

Photo Finish10/31/14

Everyone Praying At Midfield Thinking About Court Appearance

Oct 30 2014

American Voices10/30/14

American Voices10/30/14

New Dating Website My420Mate.com Matches Pot-Smoking Couples

Oct 30 2014

American Voices10/30/14

American Voices10/30/14

Study: Men With 20 Or More Sexual Partners At Lower Risk Of Prostate Cancer

Oct 30 2014

Statshot10/30/14

Statshot10/30/14

Most Popular Off-Brand Halloween Costumes

Oct 30 2014

News in Brief10/30/14

Groom Admits Bride Could Have Looked A Bit More Radiant On Wedding Day

News in Brief10/30/14

Groom Admits Bride Could Have Looked A Bit More Radiant On Wedding Day

Oct 30 2014

Sports News In Brief10/30/14

Sportswriter Has Hunch Team Will Use Bye Week To Get Healthy

Sports News In Brief10/30/14

Sportswriter Has Hunch Team Will Use Bye Week To Get Healthy

Oct 30 2014

Thrill-Seeking Man Wonders How Long He Can Keep Up Dangerous Sedentary Lifestyle

Thrill-Seeking Man Wonders How Long He Can Keep Up Dangerous Sedentary Lifestyle

Oct 30 2014

News In Photos10/30/14

Cat That Spends Life On One Of Two Couch Cushions Given Rabies Vaccine

News In Photos10/30/14

Cat That Spends Life On One Of Two Couch Cushions Given Rabies Vaccine

Oct 30 2014

American Voices10/30/14

American Voices10/30/14

McDonald’s Unveils New Slogan: Lovin’ Beats Hatin’

Oct 29 2014

Sports News In Brief10/29/14

2-Year-Old Never Thought He Would Live To See Giants Win World Series

Sports News In Brief10/29/14

2-Year-Old Never Thought He Would Live To See Giants Win World Series

Oct 29 2014

Photo Finish10/29/14

Empty Streets In Kansas City Not Necessarily Indicative Of Royals World Series Game Being On

Photo Finish10/29/14

Empty Streets In Kansas City Not Necessarily Indicative Of Royals World Series Game Being On

Oct 29 2014

News in Brief10/29/14

Street Harasser Haunted By Woman Who Got Away With Dignity Intact

News in Brief10/29/14

Street Harasser Haunted By Woman Who Got Away With Dignity Intact

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