LOS ANGELES—Saying they’d be a bit surprised if there wasn’t at least something to nibble on, the 1,500 invitees to the official after-party of the 87th Academy Awards admitted Sunday that they were not sure if the gala event would have food. “Richard [Linklater] guessed they’d have trays of stuff going around, but…

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together. “I like seeing famous people, but I like it even better when I see a…

LOS ANGELES—Perched forlornly in the rafters above the merriment of the 87th Annual Academy Awards, the Dolby Theatre Hunchback stared down in longing at the beautiful guests sitting in the hall below, sources confirmed Sunday. “Oh, to have a face so fair as to be among those happy people, instead of this horrible…

WASHINGTON—Muttering softly under his breath as he leaned his head against the tiled bathroom wall, President Barack Obama repeatedly reminded himself that he was not his job over the course of a 15-minute shower Friday morning, White House sources confirmed. “This job does not define you,” the commander-in-chief…

Amid pressure from labor groups to provide its workforce with a better living wage, Walmart has announced that it will pay all workers at least $9 per hour beginning this April, a decision that will cost $1 billion and affect 500,000 employees, with the company additionally committing to a $10 hourly wage by 2016.…

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film. “Instead of watching our authentic big-budget studio film, this…

Believing that the coursework casts American history in a negative light, state legislators in Oklahoma voted this week to replace Advanced Placement U.S. History classes in public high schools with a new framework that they believe better emphasizes “U.S. exceptionalism,” though critics argue this change will deprive…

President Obama spoke before gathered world leaders this week at a summit on extremism, discussing the root causes of such violence, weighing options for combating terrorist groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, and laying out a plan for curbing attacks. Here are the key aspects of the plan:

EAGAN, MN—After tentatively approaching the extensive rack of dumbbells located along the gym’s wall, new Bally Total Fitness member Brian Vinje was seen lingering in the vicinity of the free weights for several seconds Thursday before returning to the elliptical machine on which he had previously been exercising,…

National pizza chain Little Caesars announced it will begin selling the “Bacon Wrapped Crust Deep! Deep! Dish” pizza on February 23, which costs $12 and contains 3.5 feet of bacon strips around the edges, topped with bacon bits and pepperoni. What do you think?

WASHINGTON—Citing the need to measure student achievement as its top priority, the U.S. Department of Education launched a new initiative Thursday to replace the nation’s entire K-12 curriculum with a single standardized test.

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—According to a study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Virginia, the majority of American mothers would be willing to drop off their small children at a warehouse with the words “Fun Zone” spray-painted on its side, no questions asked, in exchange for just one uninterrupted…

According to a report in the Chicago Sun-Times, Uber is adding a “panic button” to its Chicago smartphone app that allows passengers to quickly alert police in the event they feel endangered by their driver. What do you think?