Producers Carefully Monitoring Buster Olney’s Question Count During Interview

TAMPA, FL—Keeping a close eye on the analyst during a taping of Baseball Tonight, sources confirmed Friday that ESPN producers have been carefully monitoring Buster Olney’s question count to ensure that the veteran MLB columnist avoids overexerting himself before the season. “It’s only spring training and we want to…

Justice Department Calls On Ferguson To Align Level Of Institutional Racism With Rest Of Country

WASHINGTON—Describing its policing practices as totally out of step with the nation as a whole, the U.S. Department of Justice called on Ferguson, MO to take immediate action to align its level of institutional racism with the rest of the country, sources said Thursday. “Our findings suggest that Ferguson requires…

Courageous Man Overcomes Woman’s Body Language To Continue Hitting On Her

CHICAGO—Displaying the fortitude and mettle of only the most battle-hardened warriors, local man Cory Watts courageously overcame the body language of a woman at O’Houlihan’s Pub to continue hitting on her, sources confirmed Thursday. Reports indicate that despite the woman’s folded arms and total lack of eye contact,…

Report: Cavaliers Players Having Issues Gelling During Postgame Celebrations

CLEVELAND—Saying that they still appear disjointed and unsure of themselves, sources within the Cleveland Cavaliers organization revealed Thursday that players are having significant issues gelling during postgame celebrations. “Right now the effort and intensity are definitely there, but we’re having a hard time…