Most Used Words In The GOP Debate
On Thursday night, the top 10 Republican presidential hopefuls gathered at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland to engage…
North Korea To Instate New Time Zone
To honor the nation’s 70th anniversary of liberation from Japan, North Korea will create a new time zone later this…
Strongside/Weakside: Ronda Rousey
After winning her third straight bout in less than 40 seconds, UFC star Ronda Rousey has become the most dominant MMA…
Single Woman With 3 Young Children Unaware She Subject Of 984 Judgments Today
LINCOLN, NE—Oblivious to the thoughts and looks directed toward her as she shopped for groceries, stopped by the post…
New Statewide Education Standards Require Teachers To Forever Change Lives Of 30% Of Students
SPRINGFIELD, IL—In an effort to hold classroom instructors more accountable, the Illinois State Board of Education…
Obama Practices Defiant Speech To Aliens Late At Night Behind Oval Office Desk
WASHINGTON—Testing out different phrases and vocal inflections as he has done almost every night for the past seven…
Pope Francis Urges Compassion For Divorced Catholics
Going against the Vatican’s long-held position that divorced Catholics cannot receive communion without officially…
Nation’s Pansies Announce Plan To Slowly Acclimate To Pool
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that the water seemed pretty chilly when they dipped their toes in earlier, the nation’s pansies…
Coworker Retreats To Remote Corner Of Office To Complete Disgusting Food Order
SEATTLE—In an effort to ensure that none of his coworkers would be within earshot of his call, DocuSign employee David…
Frustrated Debate Moderator Reminds Audience To Refrain From John Kasich Chants While Other Candidates Speaking
CLEVELAND—After the fourth such interruption of the night forced him to pause Thursday’s Republican presidential…
Trump Delivers Anecdote About Small Business Owner Who Isn’t Half The Man He Is
CLEVELAND—Noting that there are millions of entrepreneurs throughout the country who are in the same difficult…
Winning Argument With Aging Parents Less Satisfying Than It Once Was
CINCINNATI—After firmly telling them that she was okay paying city prices and that she would not move back to her…
Bobby Jindal Vows To Return America To Time When He Was Rising Republican Star
CLEVELAND—Hailing the bygone era as a golden age of opportunity, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal spent his opening…
Spicy Foods Could Increase Lifespan
A study that observed nearly half a million people over a seven-year span found that those who consumed more spicy…
What To Expect From Tonight’s GOP Debate
The first Republican primary debate will air Thursday evening on Fox News and will feature the top 10 polling…
Patriots Tired Of Jimmy Garoppolo Beginning Every Huddle With ‘This Is My Team Now’
FOXBOROUGH, MA—Complaining that the quarterback has kept up the annoying habit throughout training camp, several…
Nicaraguan Diplomat Drops Deadly Spider Onto John Kerry’s Blanket
ISLA GRANDE DEL MAÍZ, NICARAGUA—Creeping stealthily into the bungalow where John Kerry lay sleeping after a trade…
Bonobos Make Sounds Like Human Infants
Though many species of apes only vocalize to express their emotional state, researchers have found that the bonobo…