On Thursday night, the top 10 Republican presidential hopefuls gathered at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland to engage in the first primary debate. Below are the words and phrases used by the candidates, weighted by the frequency with which they appeared.
To honor the nation’s 70th anniversary of liberation from Japan, North Korea will create a new time zone later this month by setting the clocks back 30 minutes to “Pyongyang Time,” a move that many experts have warned could cause widespread confusion and logistical issues. What do you think?
After winning her third straight bout in less than 40 seconds, UFC star Ronda Rousey has become the most dominant MMA fighter in the world and is truly living the dream of any incredibly violent person. Is she any good?
LINCOLN, NE—Oblivious to the thoughts and looks directed toward her as she shopped for groceries, stopped by the post office, and ran several other errands with her three young children, single mother Karen Nichols, 29, was reportedly completely unaware that she was the focus of 984 separate judgments by strangers…
SPRINGFIELD, IL—In an effort to hold classroom instructors more accountable, the Illinois State Board of Education unveiled new statewide education standards Friday that require public school teachers to forever change the lives of at least 30 percent of their students. “Under our updated educator evaluation policy,…
WASHINGTON—Testing out different phrases and vocal inflections as he has done almost every night for the past seven years, President Barack Obama sat at his desk in the early morning hours Friday rehearsing a defiant speech he’d give to aliens should they one day invade, Oval Office sources confirmed. “We are a proud,…
Going against the Vatican’s long-held position that divorced Catholics cannot receive communion without officially annulling their marriage, Pope Francis encouraged the church this week to instead welcome them with “open doors” and praised those pastors who have practiced the “attentive acceptance” of such couples.…
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that the water seemed pretty chilly when they dipped their toes in earlier, the nation’s pansies announced at a press conference Friday their plan to gradually acclimate themselves to the pool. “It is our intention to wave our hands around in the water for a while before descending the pool…
SEATTLE—In an effort to ensure that none of his coworkers would be within earshot of his call, DocuSign employee David Olson reportedly retreated to a remote corner of the office Friday to complete a particularly disgusting food order. “I’ll get that with bacon, extra mayo, and ranch dressing,” said the 32-year-old…
CLEVELAND—After the fourth such interruption of the night forced him to pause Thursday’s Republican presidential debate, frustrated moderator Chris Wallace sternly reminded attendees to refrain from any John Kasich chants while other candidates were speaking. “Please, ladies and gentlemen, let’s keep this debate…
CLEVELAND—Noting that there are millions of entrepreneurs throughout the country who are in the same difficult position, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump responded to a question about the economy at Thursday night’s primary debate by sharing an anecdote about meeting a struggling small business owner who…
CINCINNATI—After firmly telling them that she was okay paying city prices and that she would not move back to her hometown just because it was cheaper, local woman Ellen Wallace, 40, confirmed Thursday that winning an argument with her parents has become much less satisfying as they have gotten older. “We used to get…
CLEVELAND—Hailing the bygone era as a golden age of opportunity, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal spent his opening remarks during Thursday’s GOP debate vowing to return America to a time when he was a rising star within the Republican Party. “I want to bring America back to its best days, back when our future as a…
A study that observed nearly half a million people over a seven-year span found that those who consumed more spicy foods such as chili peppers showed a reduced overall risk of death, as well as reduced risk of developing cancer or heart disease. What do you think?
The first Republican primary debate will air Thursday evening on Fox News and will feature the top 10 polling candidates, with Donald Trump in a strong lead, as they field questions from moderators Bret Baier, Megyn Kelly, and Chris Wallace. Here’s what to expect during tonight’s debate:
FOXBOROUGH, MA—Complaining that the quarterback has kept up the annoying habit throughout training camp, several members of the New England Patriots admitted to reporters Thursday that they have grown tired of Jimmy Garoppolo beginning every huddle by stating “This is my team now.” “He’s always taking time before…
ISLA GRANDE DEL MAÍZ, NICARAGUA—Creeping stealthily into the bungalow where John Kerry lay sleeping after a trade summit Thursday, Nicaraguan Minister of Foreign Affairs Samuel Santos López, illuminated only by a sliver of moon, reportedly slid open the lid of a small pine box and released a deadly Brazilian wandering…
Though many species of apes only vocalize to express their emotional state, researchers have found that the bonobo species native to Congo made “peep” sounds unrelated to specific objectives or emotions, much like human infants engage in babbling. What do you think?
