Vol 51 Issue 41 - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

Vol 51 Issue 41

Oct 18 2015

Sports News In Brief10/18/15

Jim Caldwell Provides Lions Players With Printouts Of Inspiring Halftime Speech

Sports News In Brief10/18/15

Jim Caldwell Provides Lions Players With Printouts Of Inspiring Halftime Speech

Oct 16 2015

American Voices10/16/15

American Voices10/16/15

Obama: Troops To Stay In Afghanistan Past 2016

Oct 16 2015

News in Brief10/16/15

Lindsey Graham Asks Nearby Family To Take His Picture For Photo Op

News in Brief10/16/15

Lindsey Graham Asks Nearby Family To Take His Picture For Photo Op

Oct 16 2015

News in Brief10/16/15

First-Grader Given Sticker For Behavior During Lockdown Drill

News in Brief10/16/15

First-Grader Given Sticker For Behavior During Lockdown Drill

Oct 16 2015

News in Brief10/16/15

Report: Nation Spends $50 Billion Annually To Get Kids Excited About Things

News in Brief10/16/15

Report: Nation Spends $50 Billion Annually To Get Kids Excited About Things

Oct 16 2015

Photo Finish10/16/15

Ed Hochuli Horrified After Dozens Of Biceps Begin Growing All Over Body

Photo Finish10/16/15

Ed Hochuli Horrified After Dozens Of Biceps Begin Growing All Over Body

Oct 16 2015

News in Brief10/16/15

Man With No Real-Life Career Goals Knows Exact Job He’d Want In Harry Potter Universe

News in Brief10/16/15

Man With No Real-Life Career Goals Knows Exact Job He’d Want In Harry Potter Universe

Oct 16 2015

News in Brief10/16/15

FBI Investigators Struggling To Keep Track Of All The DraftKings Employees Nicknamed ‘D-Blaze’ While Sifting Through Emails

News in Brief10/16/15

FBI Investigators Struggling To Keep Track Of All The DraftKings Employees Nicknamed ‘D-Blaze’ While Sifting Through Emails

Oct 16 2015

American Voices10/16/15

American Voices10/16/15

New Study Questions Health Risks Of Prolonged Sitting

Oct 15 2015

Infographic10/15/15

Strongside/Weakside: Chase Utley

Infographic10/15/15

Strongside/Weakside: Chase Utley

Oct 15 2015

American Voices10/15/15

American Voices10/15/15

43 Shootings Committed By U.S. Toddlers This Year

Oct 15 2015

Sports News In Brief10/15/15

Jadeveon Clowney Succumbs To Battle With Ankle Sprain

Sports News In Brief10/15/15

Jadeveon Clowney Succumbs To Battle With Ankle Sprain

Oct 15 2015

News in Brief10/15/15

Taliban Leaders Already Know Which Westernized Schools The First To Go As Soon As U.S. Troops Leave Afghanistan

News in Brief10/15/15

Taliban Leaders Already Know Which Westernized Schools The First To Go As Soon As U.S. Troops Leave Afghanistan

Oct 15 2015

News in Brief10/15/15

Bobby Jindal Lies To Parents About Winning GOP Nomination

News in Brief10/15/15

Bobby Jindal Lies To Parents About Winning GOP Nomination

Oct 15 2015

Obama Follows White Stallion Into Moonlit Rose Garden

Obama Follows White Stallion Into Moonlit Rose Garden

Oct 15 2015

Study Finds Carving Names Into Public Property Prolongs Relationship By 30 Or More Years

Study Finds Carving Names Into Public Property Prolongs Relationship By 30 Or More Years

Oct 15 2015

News in Brief10/15/15

Never-Before-Heard Buzzword Flying Around Office Can’t Be Good

News in Brief10/15/15

Never-Before-Heard Buzzword Flying Around Office Can’t Be Good

Oct 15 2015

News In Photos10/15/15

Sudden Computer Restart Vomits Up Bilious Mess Of Unsaved Documents On Screen

News In Photos10/15/15

Sudden Computer Restart Vomits Up Bilious Mess Of Unsaved Documents On Screen

Oct 15 2015

Photo Finish10/15/15

NFL To Donate All October Passing Yards To Breast Cancer Research

Photo Finish10/15/15

NFL To Donate All October Passing Yards To Breast Cancer Research

Oct 15 2015

American Voices10/15/15

American Voices10/15/15

Surgical Gloves, Gowns Pose Risk To Medical Workers

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