Moderator Asks Candidates To Be Specific When Describing Hellscape Country Will Become If They Not Elected

GREENVILLE, SC—In an effort to help clarify the candidates’ positions for voters watching at home, CBS debate moderator John Dickerson asked the Republican presidential hopefuls Saturday to be specific when describing the hellscape the country would inevitably become if they were not elected. “Candidates, you will…

Disillusioned Museum Admissions Employee Doesn’t Even Believe Own Annual Membership Pitch Anymore

MILWAUKEE—After more than nine months of enumerating for visitors the various member-only benefits and explaining how dues help support the museum’s mission to educate and inspire, disillusioned Milwaukee Art Museum employee Ashley Mizote told reporters Friday she no longer believes her own annual membership pitch. “I…

Labor Secretary Letting 8 Million Unemployed Americans Crash At His Place Until They Get Back On Their Feet

WASHINGTON—Assuring them it isn’t much trouble at all, U.S. Secretary of Labor Thomas Perez is reportedly allowing all 7.8 million unemployed Americans to crash at his place until they are able to get back on their feet, sources confirmed Thursday. “It’s really nice of Tom to let us stay here while we look for a…

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