Vol 52 Issue 16 - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

Vol 52 Issue 16

Apr 29 2016

News in Brief4/29/16

Tae Kwon Do Instructor Gets Little Thrill Out Of Pairing Off Completely Mismatched 8-Year-Olds

News in Brief4/29/16

Tae Kwon Do Instructor Gets Little Thrill Out Of Pairing Off Completely Mismatched 8-Year-Olds

Apr 29 2016

News in Brief4/29/16

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

News in Brief4/29/16

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

Apr 29 2016

American Voices4/29/16

American Voices4/29/16

Judge: Prince Had No Will

Apr 29 2016

News in Brief4/29/16

U.S. Census Report Finds Some Poor Fuck Named Kip

News in Brief4/29/16

U.S. Census Report Finds Some Poor Fuck Named Kip

Apr 29 2016

News in Brief4/29/16

Crops Begin Emerging From Farmlands Across Nation As Monsanto CEO Slowly Raises Arms

News in Brief4/29/16

Crops Begin Emerging From Farmlands Across Nation As Monsanto CEO Slowly Raises Arms

Apr 29 2016

Graphical Feature4/29/16

Weddings vs. Eloping

Graphical Feature4/29/16

Weddings vs. Eloping

Apr 29 2016

American Voices4/29/16

American Voices4/29/16

Yale Keeps Protested Dorm Name

Apr 28 2016

News in Brief4/28/16

‘Run! Run And Never Look Back!’ Whispers Heidi Cruz While Hugging Carly Fiorina On Rally Stage

News in Brief4/28/16

‘Run! Run And Never Look Back!’ Whispers Heidi Cruz While Hugging Carly Fiorina On Rally Stage

Apr 28 2016

American Voices4/28/16

American Voices4/28/16

Cruz Picks Fiorina As Potential VP

Apr 28 2016

News in Brief4/28/16

Ted Cruz Names This Fuckin’ Lady—Remember Her?—As VP Pick

News in Brief4/28/16

Ted Cruz Names This Fuckin’ Lady—Remember Her?—As VP Pick

Apr 28 2016

News In Photos4/28/16

Entire Meal Consumed While Testing If It Needs More Time In Microwave

News In Photos4/28/16

Entire Meal Consumed While Testing If It Needs More Time In Microwave

Apr 28 2016

News in Brief4/28/16

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

News in Brief4/28/16

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

Apr 28 2016

News in Brief4/28/16

Cubs Fans Cautiously Optimistic After Jake Arrieta Throws 8th No-Hitter, Team Scores Over 30 Runs For 12th Consecutive Game

News in Brief4/28/16

Cubs Fans Cautiously Optimistic After Jake Arrieta Throws 8th No-Hitter, Team Scores Over 30 Runs For 12th Consecutive Game

Apr 28 2016

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

Apr 28 2016

American Voices4/28/16

American Voices4/28/16

Dogs Distressed By Hugging

Apr 27 2016

News In Photos4/27/16

Single Mother Working 3 Minimum-Wage Jobs Just Trying Not To Live In The Moment

News In Photos4/27/16

Single Mother Working 3 Minimum-Wage Jobs Just Trying Not To Live In The Moment

Apr 27 2016

American Voices4/27/16

American Voices4/27/16

ISIS Documents Reveal Financial Strain

Apr 27 2016

News in Brief4/27/16

Report: Only 893,000 News Stories To Go Until 2016 Election Over

News in Brief4/27/16

Report: Only 893,000 News Stories To Go Until 2016 Election Over

Apr 27 2016

News in Brief4/27/16

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

News in Brief4/27/16

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

Apr 27 2016

American Voices4/27/16

American Voices4/27/16

Pope Francis: Happiness Cannot Be ‘Downloaded’

Advertisement