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Trump’s Prefrontal Cortex Admits It Can’t Possibly Filter All Impulsive Comments Coming From Rest Of Brain

NEW YORK—Saying it was completely exhausted and overwhelmed by its strenuous workload, Donald Trump’s prefrontal cortex admitted Thursday it was simply unable to filter through the torrent of impulsive comments coming from the rest of the presidential candidate’s brain. “I’m just completely inundated with erratic…

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Michael Phelps Proudly Describes How Infant Son Subsists Off 12,000 Calories’ Worth Of Breast Milk Per Day

RIO DE JANEIRO—Glowing with pride as he spoke about his infant son’s strict daily nutritional regimen, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps explained to reporters Wednesday that his 3-month-old son, Boomer, consumes 12,000 calories of breast milk per day. “Boomer needs at least 2,000 calories during every feeding, and…