RIO DE JANEIRO—Reflecting on the recently concluded 2016 Summer Games in Rio, members of the International Olympic Committee held a press conference Sunday to proudly announce that on the whole, only about four or five really terrible things happened. “Looking back, all of it actually went pretty well over the past…
By the time the final events end Sunday, the 2016 Olympic Games will have been viewed by approximately half the world’s population, or 3.5 billion people. What do you think?
MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Growing more and more anxious as their trip nears its end, members of the Mosshart family confided to reporters Friday they have felt increasingly on edge knowing their vacation has gone by without a single blowout fight between them.
MOSCOW—Stressing that they are on the precipice of a major crisis, Russian Olympic Committee officials held a press conference Friday to confirm that the team’s clean urine reservoir is almost fully depleted. “The demand for fresh, clean urine over the past two weeks has greatly exceeded our supply, and unfortunately,…
RIO DE JANEIRO—Candidly opening up about his winning strategy after taking gold in the event, U.S. Olympic triple-jumper Christian Taylor revealed to reporters Friday that the key to a successful triple jump is jumping twice, and then jumping one more time. “I jump two times, and then—and this is the most important…
RIO DE JANEIRO—Recommending considerable precautions during the event, police in Rio de Janeiro issued a warning Friday advising all runners to avoid miles 4 through 23 of the Olympic marathon course. “For their own personal safety, all marathoners are strongly urged to steer clear of these particularly dangerous…
RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games. “After securing a…
I Am Cait, the E! reality show documenting Caitlyn Jenner’s life after her gender transition, has been canceled after two seasons due to dwindling popularity. What do you think?
NEW YORK—Sitting down with officials from the Office of the Director of National Intelligence to discuss a range of foreign and domestic threats facing the United States, presidential candidate Donald Trump reportedly spent the entirety of his first classified national security briefing Wednesday asking about Egyptian…
Olympian Claiming He Was Never A Competitive Swimmer, Works As A Graphic Designer
CBS has announced that their upcoming docuseries, The Case Of, will investigate the 1996 killing of JonBenet Ramsey in recognition of the 20th anniversary of her death. What do you think?
As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing:
FORT MEADE, MD—Explaining that things weren’t working right and he didn’t know why, visibly frustrated National Security Agency director Michael S. Rogers called a press conference Thursday afternoon to ask if somebody good at computers could help out the intelligence organization. “We must have done something wrong…
A new study suggests that babies born in wintertime, when days are shorter with less sunlight, have a lower risk of celiac disease than those born in warmer seasons with longer days. What do you think?
SPENCERPORT, NY—Voicing criticism of the man’s general demeanor and the hurried pace of his masses, local grandmother and St. Rafael Catholic Church parishioner Patricia Trudel, 72, told reporters Friday she doesn’t care much for the congregation’s new priest. “He’s fine, but his services just aren’t as good as Father…
GREENSBORO, NC—Calling it the “ultimate test” of customers’ strength and willpower, local restaurant Boomer’s Bar and Grill unveiled a new eating challenge this week that rewards any patron who can consume a reasonably portioned meal. “If any of our customers can tackle an 8-ounce grilled chicken breast, side of…
SPOKANE, WA—Noting the veteran sportscaster’s perseverance through such difficult conditions, 31-year-old Olympics fan Roland Keller expressed his amazement to reporters Thursday at the sheer grit and determination displayed by Dan Patrick as he engaged in several moments of small talk with NBC host Bob Costas. “Most…
