Anthropologists Discover Isolated Tribe Of Joyful Americans Living In Remote Village Untouched By 2016 Election

WALDPORT, OR—A team of anthropologists announced Friday it had discovered an isolated tribe of blissful Americans who have never been exposed to the current presidential campaign or its candidates, noting that the newly identified population lives contentedly in a remote village completely untouched by the 2016 race.

New Voting Booths Lock Americans Inside For 45 Minutes So They Can Consider Decision Before Casting Ballot

WASHINGTON—Election boards across the country reportedly began installing new voting booths this week that are specially designed to keep citizens locked inside for 45 minutes, forcing them to actually consider the decision they are making before they cast their ballot. “We believe the new booths, which detain voters…