Mike Pence Disappointed In The 200,000 Husbands And Fathers Who Permitted Women To Attend March

WASHINGTON—Admonishing those responsible for failing to uphold their moral duties, Vice President Mike Pence expressed disappointment Saturday in the 200,000 husbands and fathers who had allowed the women and girls in their charge to attend the Women’s March on Washington. “I can’t tell you how let down I feel by the…

Steelers Players Make Surprise Hospital Visits To Spend Time With Opponents They’ve Injured

PITTSBURGH—Stressing the importance of giving back to those who are much less fortunate, members of the Pittsburgh Steelers reportedly spent Friday making surprise hospital visits to spend some time with opponents they’ve injured. “We try to do something nice like this as often as we can—we just hope to put a smile on…

‘I Promise To Work Tirelessly To Achieve My Campaign’s Goals,’ Threatens Trump In Terrifying Address

WASHINGTON—Leaving the nation in an uneasy state of dread as he spoke from the Capitol steps, incoming President Donald Trump reportedly delivered a disturbing inaugural address Friday in which he repeatedly threatened to work hard to implement his campaign promises. “Everything that I’ve stood for in this campaign,…

Trump Calms Nerves Before Inaugural Address By Reminding Himself He’s The Only Person Who Actually Exists

WASHINGTON—Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before making his way to the lectern, President Donald Trump reportedly calmed his nerves before his inaugural address Friday by reminding himself that he is the only person who actually exists. “Relax, Donald, you are the only person in the world; there is no one…

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