Beauty Industry Exec Keeps Photo Of Crying 15-Year-Old Girl On Desk To Remind Himself Why He Does This

NEW YORK—Saying it regularly provides him with the motivation he needs to get through the day, Estée Lauder senior vice president Mark Evans told reporters Friday he keeps a photo of a sobbing 15-year-old girl on his desk to remind himself why he does this. “With all the meetings and phone calls I have to deal with…

Goody Introduces New Line Of Governess Hairbrushes For Raking Across The Scalps Of Insolent Little Girls

ATLANTA—Describing it as the perfect styling tool for beastly little things, the Goody hair accessories company announced Thursday a new line of hairbrushes designed specifically for governesses to rake harshly across the scalps of insolent little girls in their charge. “The new reinforced handles can withstand being…

Queen Elizabeth Frantically Trying To Preserve European Alliances By Arranging Great-Grandchildren’s Marriages

LONDON—After Prime Minister Theresa May initiated official proceedings for Great Britain’s exit from the European Union, sources confirmed Thursday that Queen Elizabeth II has been frantically trying to preserve the nation’s European alliances by arranging the marriages of her great-grandchildren. “With Britain…