Scientists Constructing Bricks From Simulated Martian Soil
To demonstrate how humans might one day build structures on the red planet, scientists have used dirt that mimics the…
Retired Ice Rink Manager Recalls Days Of Horse-Led Zambonis
ST. PAUL, MN—Fondly describing the throngs of children that would gather at the edge of the rink to watch the majestic…
Fetal Lambs Kept Alive Inside Artificial Uterus
Doctors have succeeded in keeping lamb fetuses alive for weeks inside plastic sacks of amniotic fluid, a technology…
Man Who’s Only Halfway Through Life Can Already Guess How It’s Going To End
KATY, TX—Sighing at yet another totally expected moment, local man Bradley Wuster, 38, told reporters Friday that he…
Super 8 Offering Writers Residency For Anyone Working On Suicide Note
PARSIPPANY, NJ—Calling it an idyllic setting for penning one’s final goodbyes, Super 8 Motels announced a new writing…
Chobani Sues Alex Jones For Defamation
Yogurt producer Chobani has filed a defamation suit against right-wing pundit Alex Jones over his repeated accusations…
Mark Zuckerberg Touts Complete Lack Of Cannibalism On Facebook Live So Far
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to defend the social network’s live video-streaming feature against recent criticism,…
Ecuadorian Officials Starting To Get Sick Of Julian Assange Always Leaving Dirty Dishes All Over Embassy
LONDON—Adding to the already long list of grievances they had with their guest, officials at the Ecuadorian embassy…
Justin Trudeau Unveils Plan To Meet Healthcare Needs Of Canada’s Aging Prog Rockers
OTTAWA—Saying it was only right to give back to those who had done so much for their country, Canadian prime minister…
Notable Commencement Speakers For The Class Of 2017
Each spring, colleges around the country invite luminaries and public figures to speak to their graduating class. Here…
Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust
DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft…
Plastic-Eating Caterpillar Discovered
Scientists have discovered that wax moth larvae are capable of digesting polyethylene, an ingredient in many plastics,…
Chemicals That Pushed Man’s Ancestors To Run Down Wild Boar Flare At Sight Of White Cheddar Popcorn Bag
KENNEBUNK, ME—Setting off a cascade of neurological processes that evolved in the human race millennia ago, the same…