Partnering with a nonprofit, Amazon is donating 47,000 square feet of space in its new headquarters as permanent housing for the homeless. What do you think?

PEORIA, IL—Wildly speculating about the tantalizing pleasures awaiting just out of reach, sleepover guests at the Rudder household reportedly could only wonder Friday what mysterious delights lie tucked inside the off-limits upstairs room. “Everyone have fun, but we keep that door closed—you can’t go in there,” mother…

SANTA CRUZ, CA—Carefully inspecting the rows in hopes of deciphering the right configuration among thousands, local woman Mary Molatino was reportedly rearranging the condiments in her refrigerator door Friday like she was working on a puzzle in an ancient tomb. The 26-year-old, as if sorting glyphs to reveal the…

Bill Clinton is collaborating with best-selling author James Patterson on a thriller novel titled The President Is Missing. What do you think?

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs. “Given the…

NBC has scheduled a live version of the 1971 Broadway musical Jesus Christ Superstar for Easter 2018. What do you think?

EARTH—Noting that the species’ tenure in the leadership role has been marked by an incompetence and shortsightedness that has caused irreparable damage, sources reported Thursday that humans are facing increased calls to give up their position as head of the world’s failing ecosystem.

PHILADELPHIA—Confirming their findings were consistent across all observed locations and at all times of day, a report released Thursday by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that 15 percent of cars in mall parking lots are occupied by family members who stormed out to the vehicles following a heated…

LAYTON, UT—Certain it was all that was holding her back from finding the man of her dreams, area mom Janet Kessler told reporters Thursday that she was convinced her 30-year-old daughter Meredith would be married by now if she just brushed her hair more. “You know, if you just took a few extra minutes in the morning…

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

Researchers found that geriatric mice treated with low doses of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, showed improved cognitive function. What do you think?

Donald Trump has fired FBI Director James Comey, who was leading the federal investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election. What do you think?

WASHINGTON—With yesterday’s dismissal of former FBI director James Comey serving as yet another burden on the historic document, the staff at the National Archives reported Wednesday that the U.S. Constitution had rapidly aged another 100 years from the stress of repeated crises. “All the strain it’s endured has…

WASHINGTON—Designating the area a protected space where the blazes could thrive in their natural habitat, the Department of Interior announced Wednesday that it had set aside 50,000 acres of federal land as a National Wildfire Refuge. “This reserve will act as a sanctuary for our country’s precious wildfires and help…

WATERBURY, CT—Reflecting wistfully on what he might have made of himself had he chosen a different profession, Dynatrend Solutions network engineer Alan Miller said Wednesday that he would be a systems manager if he had the chance to go back and do it all over again.

WASHINGTON—Saying it was essential to fill the now vacant post with just the right person, President Trump announced Wednesday the start of a 40-month search to find a replacement for recently dismissed FBI director James Comey. “Whomever we appoint to run the agency must be someone of impeccable character and…