Treasury Secretary Reneges On Plan To Put Harriet Tubman On $20 Bill
Trump Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin has refused to say whether he’ll follow through on the Obama administration’s…
Trump Administration Announces New $20 Bill Design Honoring Harriet Tubman’s Owners
WASHINGTON—Saying they wished to pay tribute to the legacies of these distinguished, law-abiding Americans, the Trump…
Peaceful Protest Interrupted By Swarm Of Aggressive Black-Clad Militants
PHILADELPHIA—Quickly turning what had been an orderly demonstration into a violent melee, a peaceful protest Friday was…
‘This Map Will Change The Way You See Westeros,’ Reports Never-Ending Cascade Of Subhuman Bullshit
NEW YORK—Claiming it would be a momentous experience for any Game of Thrones fan, a never-ending cascade of subhuman…
Taylor Swift Unveils Even Darker Persona With New Single ‘Skullfucking Maggot Shit Boyfriend’
NEW YORK—In a dramatic break from the singer’s past incarnations, including her more aggressive recent image, Taylor…
Former Conservative Recalls Belittling Tirade From College Student That Brought Him Over To Left
ST. PAUL, MN—Explaining how the string of personal insults and sharply worded accusations caused him to reevaluate…
Nation’s Middle Class Chillingly Reappears Out Of Nowhere
Hundreds Of Thousands Of Americans Suddenly Resume Blue-Collar Jobs
$900 Million Lawsuit Might Hinge On Whether Ghosts Real
A $900 million lawsuit over the rights to The Conjuring horror franchise could hinge on whether the films are based on…
FDA Cracking Down On Unapproved Stem Cell Treatments
With stem cell therapy rapidly expanding in recent years, the FDA announced it’s tightening rules on clinics using…
Trump Boys Gather Rations Of Comic Books, Candy Bars For Night Hiding From Special Prosecutors In Makeshift Rose Garden Fort
WASHINGTON—Saying they could “live out here in the wild for months” if they had to, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr.…
Funeral Director Assures Jewish Family This Headstone Can Withstand Plenty Of Blows From Baseball Bat
ROCHESTER, NY—Promising that their loved one’s memory would be protected for years to come, local funeral director…
Disturbing Report Reveals Cruel, Disgusting Conditions For Prospects Kept In MLB Farm System
NEW YORK—Calling the inhumane treatment a disgrace to the MLB and all of its consumers, a disturbing new report…
Ivanka, Donald Jr., Eric Trump Removed From White House After Mother Wins 25-Year Custody Battle
WASHINGTON—Bringing a conclusion to decades of contentious court proceedings, Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric Trump were…
Features Of Android Oreo
Google’s new operating system for Android devices, Oreo, includes a whole host of new features and improvements. Here’s…
Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night
CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters…
Google Offering Depression Test
To encourage more sufferers to seek treatment, Google is now offering a quiz for users to check their own depression…
Affable Detective With Healthy Personal Life Hasn’t Solved Case In Months
SHOW LOW, AZ—Describing him as a family man who always has a smile on his face, sources within the Show Low Police…
Actor Quits Hellboy Reboot Over Whitewashing Controversy
British actor Ed Skrein has quit the “Hellboy” reboot after objections to his being cast as a supporting character…