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On-Field Reporter Acting Like No Big Deal That Coach Just Walked Away Mid-Interview

OXFORD, OH—Sources confirmed Saturday that ESPN sideline reporter Laura Rutledge is acting like it is no big deal that Notre Dame football head coach Brian Kelly just walked away in the middle of their halftime interview. “What does the defense– oh, oh, thanks, coach,” said Rutledge, who reportedly continued to smile…

Cop Confident He’ll Be Exonerated By Clear Video Evidence Of Him Shooting Defenseless Black Man

ORLANDO, FL—Optimistic that the footage would shield him from responsibility for any role in the victim’s death, local police officer Ruben McDermitt was reportedly confident Friday that he’d be exonerated by the clear video evidence of him shooting a defenseless black man. “Once they see the tape of me opening fire…

Liberal Activists Encourage Citizens To Call Their Late-Night Hosts And Urge Them To Oppose Tax Plan

WASHINGTON—Saying it was time for people to pick up their phones and let themselves be heard, liberal activist Adam Kramer encouraged citizens Friday to call their late-night hosts and urge them to oppose the new GOP tax plan. “Okay, everyone, start dialing and let your talk show hosts know they have an obligation to…

Wedding Caterer Likes To Throw In Extra Potatoes If It Seems Like Couple Genuinely In Love

DALLAS—Calling it his own personal blessing to the bride and groom, wedding caterer Isaac Bellacosa told reporters Wednesday that he likes to throw in a few extra potatoes for the reception dinner if it looks like the couple is genuinely in love. “If the connection seems like the real deal, I’ll give them some more…

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