Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham
Fleetwood Mac has fired Lindsey Buckingham after a disagreement over the band’s upcoming tour, opting to replace the…
Astronomers Say Wednesday Night Will Be Best Chance For Americans To View ‘NOVΛ’
WASHINGTON—Hoping to raise public awareness about a rare deep-space broadcasting phenomenon, the American Astronomical…
Cambridge Analytica Whistleblower Admits Last Few Weeks At Work Have Been Awkward
LONDON—Noting that his treatment from colleagues recently ranged from avoiding eye contact by some to the occasional…
‘Holy Shit, The Government Owes Me 50 Million Dollars,’ Reports Man Incorrectly Filling Out His Taxes
CINCINNATI—Excited by the prospect of quitting his retail job and moving to his own South Pacific island, 28-year-old…
Nation Confused After James Comey Dedicates Entire Memoir To In-Depth Retelling Of Martha Stewart Insider Trading Controversy
WASHINGTON—Expressing their bewilderment that the former FBI director had chosen to focus on the incident in such…
Man Filming Childbirth Picks Up Some B-Roll Of Wife’s Vagina While Waiting For Baby To Crown
BOSTON—Hoping to minimize his downtime on set between contractions, expectant father Dan Hartfield spent a few hours…
Woman Spends Entire Date Wondering If This The One She’ll Mace
COLUMBUS, OH—Contemplating her romantic future while staring deep into the eyes of her dining companion, area woman…
Dermatologists Recommend Regularly Checking Body For Screaming Demonic Face Bulging Out Of Skin
NEW YORK—Saying it can be as easy as doing a quick once-over in the shower, the American Dermatological Association…
Upcoming ‘Game Of Thrones’ Battle Reportedly Took 55 Days To Shoot
A producer for Game of Thrones revealed that a massive battle scene for the eighth and final season of the HBO fantasy…
Mike Pompeo Can’t Believe Senate Just Expects He’ll Answer Questions Without Being Tortured First
WASHINGTON—Expressing surprise at the relatively tame treatment he had received during his confirmation hearing,…
‘Look, Just Tell Us Who To Kill,’ Snaps U.S. General As Trump Enters 20th Minute Of Rambling Answer On Syria
WASHINGTON—Cutting the commander-in-chief off mid-sentence and demanding that he give them a straight answer, U.S.…
Convulsing Teen Bleeding From Eyes, Nose Thinks He Can Feel The Synthetic Weed Kicking In
RICHMOND, VA—Acknowledging that he was starting to experience a few paranoid hallucinations, local teen Josh Mashburn…
Aides Trying To Talk Trump Out Of Sending Associates To Break Into Watergate Office Complex
WASHINGTON—Stressing the importance of thinking long and hard about what a scandal like that could do to his career,…
Paul Ryan Will Not Seek Reelection
Speaker Paul D. Ryan announced Wednesday that he will not seek reelection in November, ending his brief tenure in the…
Trump Boys Announce They Will Not Hesitate To Egg Russia If Provoked
WASHINGTON—Making it clear that they are fully prepared to use every means at their disposal to stand up against rival…