Most Shocking Revelations Of The Comey Memos
A series of memos written by former FBI director James Comey and released to Congress Thursday by the Justice…
North, South Korea In Talks To Announce End To 68-Year Korean War
An intelligence source revealed that an upcoming talk between Kim Jong-un and Moon Jae-in could result in the…
‘Politics Was Never This Toxic In The 2010s,’ Says Future American While Watching Candidates Battle In 2048 Debate Pits
NEO-SEATTLE—Decrying the lack of decorum on display, an American from decades in the future remarked that politics was…
DNC Files Lawsuit Alleging Nation Should Never, Ever Stop Focusing On 2016 Election
WASHINGTON—Demanding greater accountability for the race’s outcome, the Democratic National Committee reportedly filed…
Long John Silver’s Customer Finds Deep-Fried Poseidon Head In Value Meal
CINCINNATI—Causing a wave of disgust and outrage among his fellow diners, local man Tobin Sullivan said Friday that, to…
Starbucks To Close 8,000 Stores For Racial Bias Training
After a wave of protests in response to the arrest of two black customers in a Philadelphia store, global coffee chain…
Child At That Awkward Age Where No One Cares What He Thinks And He’s Constantly In The Way
HARTFORD, CT—Acknowledging that their second-grader had reached “that uncomfortable stage” far earlier than most of his…
Boss Wants To Know If You Can Work Late This Year
YOUR LOCATION—Explaining that staffing was a little tight right now and he would really appreciate the extra help, your…
NASA Announces Plans To Place Giant Pair Of Shades On Sun
WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the solar system’s central star look as badass as possible, NASA officials announced…
Puerto Rico Hit By Island-Wide Blackout
Nearly seven months after Hurricane Maria, Puerto Rico has entirely lost power, with all 1.5 million electricity…
Mike Pompeo Defects To North Korea After Learning About Kim Jong-Un’s Torture Program
PYONGYANG—Declaring that he has “finally, at long last, come home” to a society that properly aligns with his values,…
Dad Ready To Forgive Dixie Chicks
GLASGOW, KY—Declaring that enough time has passed for everyone to get on with their lives, father of two Albert Wrinn…
Supreme Court Agrees To Hear New Jack White Album
WASHINGTON—In a landmark decision by the country’s highest judicial body, sources confirmed that the U.S. Supreme Court…