Vol 54 Issue 19 - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

Vol 54 Issue 19

May 14 2018

American Voices5/14/18

Trump Announces North Korea Summit Will Be In Singapore<em></em>

American Voices5/14/18

Trump Announces North Korea Summit Will Be In Singapore

May 13 2018

VideoNOW: Focus5/13/18

Nation’s Mothers Describe How Nice It Would Be If You Lived Closer<em></em>

VideoNOW: Focus5/13/18

Nation’s Mothers Describe How Nice It Would Be If You Lived Closer

May 13 2018

News In Photos5/13/18

Woman Mentally Rearranging Rankings Of Children While Opening Mother’s Day Gifts

News In Photos5/13/18

Woman Mentally Rearranging Rankings Of Children While Opening Mother’s Day Gifts

May 13 2018

News In Photos5/13/18

Mother Given Gift Basket Of Soaps, Bubble Bath Hopefully Takes Hint That She Smells Like Shit<em></em>

News In Photos5/13/18

Mother Given Gift Basket Of Soaps, Bubble Bath Hopefully Takes Hint That She Smells Like Shit

May 11 2018

News In Photos5/11/18

John Kelly Suspects Jared Kushner Of Being Illegal Immigrant After Observing He Has No Skills<em></em>

News In Photos5/11/18

John Kelly Suspects Jared Kushner Of Being Illegal Immigrant After Observing He Has No Skills

May 11 2018

American Voices5/11/18

Americans Get Ready For Mother’s Day<em></em>

American Voices5/11/18

Americans Get Ready For Mother’s Day

May 11 2018

News In Photos5/11/18

John Kelly Hoping Prejudiced Anti-Immigrant Comments Got Him Back On Trump's Good Side<em></em>

News In Photos5/11/18

John Kelly Hoping Prejudiced Anti-Immigrant Comments Got Him Back On Trump's Good Side

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

Alcoholic Parent Easy To Shop For<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

Alcoholic Parent Easy To Shop For

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

Investigation Confirms NBC Management Had No Knowledge Of Misconduct In Matt Lauer’s Network-Sanctioned Sex Dungeon<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

Investigation Confirms NBC Management Had No Knowledge Of Misconduct In Matt Lauer’s Network-Sanctioned Sex Dungeon

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

AT&T CEO Regrets Hiring Cohen Instead Of Just Dropping A Ton Of Cash At Trump International Hotel Like Everyone Else<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

AT&T CEO Regrets Hiring Cohen Instead Of Just Dropping A Ton Of Cash At Trump International Hotel Like Everyone Else

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

Director Of Census Bureau Calls For Updated Population Report After Realizing He Forgot To Count Himself<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

Director Of Census Bureau Calls For Updated Population Report After Realizing He Forgot To Count Himself

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

‘I Look Forward To Ending My Life,’ Says Assisted Suicide Advocate Before Being Shot Out Of Cannon At Brick Wall<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

‘I Look Forward To Ending My Life,’ Says Assisted Suicide Advocate Before Being Shot Out Of Cannon At Brick Wall

May 11 2018

Photo Finish5/11/18

Roethlisberger Upset Steelers Didn't Ask For His Consent Before Drafting Quarterback<em></em>

Photo Finish5/11/18

Roethlisberger Upset Steelers Didn't Ask For His Consent Before Drafting Quarterback

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

Area Man Really Banking On Unconditional Love Doing Most Of Heavy Lifting For Mother’s Day Bouquet<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

Area Man Really Banking On Unconditional Love Doing Most Of Heavy Lifting For Mother’s Day Bouquet

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

NASA Says Presence Of Diving Board On Mars Confirms Planet May Have Once Contained Water<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

NASA Says Presence Of Diving Board On Mars Confirms Planet May Have Once Contained Water

May 11 2018

American Voices5/11/18

Christiane Amanpour To Replace Charlie Rose On PBS<em></em>

American Voices5/11/18

Christiane Amanpour To Replace Charlie Rose On PBS

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

‘ASS’ Finally Inducted Into Video Game Hall Of Fame<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

‘ASS’ Finally Inducted Into Video Game Hall Of Fame

May 11 2018

News in Brief5/11/18

New Monster Energy Defibrillator Touts 1,200 Volts Delivered Straight To Heart<em></em>

News in Brief5/11/18

New Monster Energy Defibrillator Touts 1,200 Volts Delivered Straight To Heart

May 10 2018

News in Brief5/10/18

Ford Confirms Plant Fire Caused By Spooked F-150 Knocking Over Lantern<em></em>

News in Brief5/10/18

Ford Confirms Plant Fire Caused By Spooked F-150 Knocking Over Lantern

May 10 2018

News in Brief5/10/18

North Korean Prisoners Temporarily Put Into American Detention Camp To Help Ease Shock Of Return<em></em>

News in Brief5/10/18

North Korean Prisoners Temporarily Put Into American Detention Camp To Help Ease Shock Of Return

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