Trump Announces North Korea Summit Will Be In Singapore
President Donald Trump announced he will meet with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in Singapore on June 12. What do you…
Americans Get Ready For Mother’s Day
Across the nation, Americans are getting ready to celebrate their moms this Sunday. What do you plan for Mother’s Day?
Alcoholic Parent Easy To Shop For
SIESTA KEY, FL—Saying that it was simple and straightforward to locate a gift that their mother would enjoy, the…
Investigation Confirms NBC Management Had No Knowledge Of Misconduct In Matt Lauer’s Network-Sanctioned Sex Dungeon
NEW YORK—Following multiple allegations of sexual misbehavior against the former Today Show host, NBC announced Friday…
AT&T CEO Regrets Hiring Cohen Instead Of Just Dropping A Ton Of Cash At Trump International Hotel Like Everyone Else
DALLAS—Acknowledging the company had made a serious error in its efforts to curry favor with the president, AT&T CEO…
Director Of Census Bureau Calls For Updated Population Report After Realizing He Forgot To Count Himself
WASHINGTON—In an effort to provide the most accurate possible picture of the nation’s demographics, the Director of the…
‘I Look Forward To Ending My Life,’ Says Assisted Suicide Advocate Before Being Shot Out Of Cannon At Brick Wall
BASEL, SWITZERLAND—Bedecked in a red cape and leather jumpsuit as he began shimmying into the muzzle of the artillery…
Area Man Really Banking On Unconditional Love Doing Most Of Heavy Lifting For Mother’s Day Bouquet
CHICAGO—After he picked up the first $14.99 floral arrangement he saw at his neighborhood drugstore Friday, sources…
NASA Says Presence Of Diving Board On Mars Confirms Planet May Have Once Contained Water
WASHINGTON—Saying the groundbreaking discovery could help shed new light on the history of the Red Planet, NASA…
Christiane Amanpour To Replace Charlie Rose On PBS
Following numerous sexual-misconduct allegations against Charlies Rose, PBS announced Christiane Amanpour will launch…
‘ASS’ Finally Inducted Into Video Game Hall Of Fame
ROCHESTER, NY—Honoring their performance and consistency in regularly appearing up and down the high-score screen for…
New Monster Energy Defibrillator Touts 1,200 Volts Delivered Straight To Heart
CORONA, CA—Boasting that their edgy new product was intended “solely for hardcore adrenaline junkies who want to grab…
Ford Confirms Plant Fire Caused By Spooked F-150 Knocking Over Lantern
DEARBORN, MI—Having isolated the origin of the blaze that caused the company to halt production of the popular vehicle,…
North Korean Prisoners Temporarily Put Into American Detention Camp To Help Ease Shock Of Return
PENNINGTON GAP, VA—Taking pains to ensure the returning citizens feel as normal as possible, government representatives…