The Inventory

America's Finest News Source.

Vol 54 Issue 25

‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ Casting Assistant Discusses Difficulties Of Finding Extras Who Are Willing To Be Eaten Alive

Man Who Has Never Seen Horseshoe Crab Before Understandably Freaking The Fuck Out

Biggest Guy In Prison Tired Of Every New Inmate Beating Shit Out Of Him On Their First Day

Onion Employees Return To Mundane Lives Of Writing Game-Changing News Coverage Read By Billions Across Globe

25 Million Onion Social Users Run Into Glorious Flames Of Headquarters In Hopes Of Using Website One Last Time

Saudi Arabia Officially Lifts Ban On Female Monster Truck Rallies

Onion Social CEO Vaporized By Wall Of Light While Trying To Stop Algorithm From Self-Destructing

Charles Krauthammer Has Ashes Spread Over Prosperous, Liberated Iraq

‘Humanity Deserves To Live In Darkness,’ Onion Social Algorithm Cries Out Before Bursting Into Bright Light, Disappearing From Earthly Realm

6/22/18 12:10PM

Exasperated Huckabee Sanders Reminds Press Corps That Children Under 14 Can’t Feel Pain

6/22/18 11:35AM

Self-Destructing Onion Social Algorithm Delivers Stirring Monologue About Folly Of Mankind’s Hubris

6/22/18 11:05AM

American Voices

American Voices

Most Americans Side With Onion Social Over Own Family, Friends

6/22/18 10:25AM

France, India, Brazil Among Dozens Of Governments To Fall As Riots In Support Of Onion Social Increase Globally

6/22/18 10:08AM

Thousands Of Onion Social Users Burn Effigies Of CEO In Massive Show Of Support For Company

Onion Social CEO Rebukes 480,000 Crimes At International Criminal Tribunal Including Illegal Surveillance, Insider Trading, Mass Murder, Indecent Exposure

Report: Your Father Currently Typing ‘Naked Women’ Into Yahoo Images Search Bar

American Voices

American Voices

Onion Social Users Applaud Bravery Of CEO Persevering Against Falsehood, Libel

Report: Make It Stop

Onion Social CEO Appears Before Hague Tribunal To Be Tried For Crimes Against Humanity, Promote New Website Features

Stock Market Plunges Ahead Of Onion Social Hague Trial

Advertisement