Vol 54 Issue 31 - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

Vol 54 Issue 31

8/4/18

7:55 PM

Graphical Feature8/4/18

Graphical Feature8/4/18

Most Used Words In Ray Lewis’ Hall Of Fame Acceptance Speech

8/4/18

8:12 AM

News in Brief8/4/18

News in Brief8/4/18

Grandmother Can’t Believe She Hung On This Long For Granddaughter’s Lame-Ass Wedding

8/3/18

8:30 PM

News In Photos8/3/18

News In Photos8/3/18

The National Annoyed After Getting Stuck Performing On Nosebleed Lollapalooza Stage

8/3/18

3:37 PM

American Voices8/3/18

American Voices8/3/18

Trump Administration Revokes Obama-Era Fuel Standards

8/3/18

3:04 PM

News In Photos8/3/18

News In Photos8/3/18

Report: Takeout Place Put Burrito In Completely Different Container This Time

8/3/18

2:26 PM

News in Brief8/3/18

News in Brief8/3/18

Sun Pacific Unveils New ‘Hotties’ Variety Of Voluptuous, Shapely Clementines

8/3/18

1:34 PM

VideoOnion Info Clips8/3/18

VideoOnion Info Clips8/3/18

Most Anticipated Acts At Lollapalooza 2018

8/3/18

1:08 PM

News in Brief8/3/18

News in Brief8/3/18

Pope Francis Hastily Condemns Capital Punishment After Vatican Police Announce New Evidence Found In 2014 Stabbing

8/3/18

12:09 PM

News in Brief8/3/18

News in Brief8/3/18

Steve Buscemi To Make Surprise Guest Appearance In This Article

8/3/18

11:36 AM

News in Brief8/3/18

News in Brief8/3/18

White House Reporters Warn Huckabee Sanders She Harming America And It’s Selling Like Fucking Hotcakes

8/3/18

11:00 AM

News in Brief8/3/18

News in Brief8/3/18

Angolan War Criminal Called In As Character Witness To Manafort Fraud Trial

8/3/18

10:50 AM

American Voices8/3/18

American Voices8/3/18

Senate Bill Would Require Census To Ask About Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity

8/3/18

10:45 AM

News in Brief8/3/18

News in Brief8/3/18

Christian Pornographer Refuses To Film Sex Tape For Gay Couple

8/3/18

10:31 AM

Infographic8/3/18

Infographic8/3/18

The Onion’s Guide To ‘Fortnite’

8/3/18

9:57 AM

VideoThe Morning Sweat8/3/18

VideoThe Morning Sweat8/3/18

Will New NFL Player Safety Rules Ruin Football Injuries?

8/3/18

9:42 AM

News In Photos8/3/18

News In Photos8/3/18

Interminable Nightmare Of Buying Wrong Toilet Paper In Bulk Nearly Over

8/2/18

5:31 PM

Commentary8/2/18

Commentary8/2/18

‘The Onion’ Proudly Stands With The Media As The Enemy Of The People

8/2/18

5:12 PM

American Voices8/2/18

American Voices8/2/18

Court Says Monkey Cannot Hold Rights To Own Selfie

8/2/18

4:29 PM

News In Photos8/2/18

News In Photos8/2/18

Apple Becomes First American Company That Should Have Paid Trillion Dollars In Taxes

8/2/18

3:55 PM

News in Brief8/2/18

News in Brief8/2/18

Pope Francis Admits ‘Like 97%’ Of Past Church Leadership ‘Probably Burning In Hell’

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