Sunday School Teacher Can Already Tell Which Ones Going To Hell
LANGHORNE, PA—Saying that she could sense Satan within them the moment they walked through the door, Sunday school…
‘Red Dead Redemption 2’ Released
The highly anticipated new installment of the popular Red Dead Redemption series, hailed by some reviewers as the most…
Trump Boys Smash Father’s Cell Phone To Search For Chinese Spies
WASHINGTON—Eric and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly smashed their father’s cell phone Friday to search for Chinese spies,…
CDC Introduces ‘Raw Dog’ The STI Pup To Educate Children About The Dangers Of Unprotected Sex
ATLANTA—In an effort to introduce the subject in a fun and kid-friendly way, the Centers for Disease Control and…
Saudis Tout Hundreds Of Yemeni Lives Saved By Spending So Much Time Focused On Killing Khashoggi
RIYADH—Championing the brutal murder and dismemberment of the journalist as a humanitarian effort, Saudi crown prince…
Pros And Cons Of Genetic Testing For Ancestry
The popularity of DNA testing for ancestry by companies like 23andMe and AncestryDNA has skyrocketed in recent years as…
Report: Logan’s Mom Put Him On A Diet
TERRE HAUTE, IN—Noting the dramatic change in snacks and beverages made available at the Pisinski household, sleepover…
‘Kavanaugh Effect’ More Likely To Benefit Democrats Than Republicans
A USA TODAY/Suffolk University poll found that voters swayed by the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation process became more…
Buzz Aldrin Recalls How Easy It Was Getting To The Moon
SATELLITE BEACH, FL—Referring to the Apollo 11 spaceflight and lunar landing as a “walk in the park,” astronaut Buzz…
Explosive Device Found In Mail Sent To Biden, Obama
The Secret Service revealed that it found explosive devices in mail sent to former President Barack Obama and former…
Wildest Friend Called Up From Bench To Help Woman Get Over Breakup
ST. LOUIS, MO—Explaining that the severity of the situation called for desperate and perhaps even borderline extreme…
Midterms Predicted To Have Largest Voter In Decades
CLIFTON, NJ—Citing the nationwide surge in growth of the average American registered to cast a ballot over the past…
42% Of New Cancer Patients Lose Their Life Savings
A recent study found that 42 percent of cancer patients diagnosed between 2002 and 2012 lost their life savings and 62…
Study Finds Effectiveness Of Medical Treatment Skyrockets When Doctor Acts Like Condescending Dick
BALTIMORE—A study published Thursday by researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that the effectiveness of medical…