Female Brains More Youthful Than Male Ones
A recent study found that women’s brains tend to appear to be about three years younger than those of men at the same…
Mass Invasion Of Polar Bear Forces Russian Islands To Declare Emergency
After dozens of polar bears flooded into the Novaya Zemlya archipelago, local authorities have declared a state of…
Trump Offers Clear, Historical Precedent For Deploying U.S. Military With No Provocation
WASHINGTON—Providing a lengthy, comprehensive explanation of the factors influencing his decision to declare a national…
Trump Base Celebrates President For Standing Up To Constitution
WASHINGTON—Enthusiastically praising the commander-in-chief for holding firm in the face of opposition, Donald Trump’s…
Climatologists Find Pitchers And Catchers Reporting Further South Every Spring
WASHINGTON—Warning that swift climate action was needed if local populations were to survive, a study released Friday…
Chinese Man Worried You Can’t Have Respectful Debate About How Amazing Government Is Anymore
BEIJING—Lamenting the country’s widening political divide, local man Lei Chen admitted to feeling worried Friday that…
Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency
An increasing number of people advocate being open about salaries as a way to fix pay iniquities and encourage…
Tumor-Covered Chester Cheetah Apologizes For Role In Marketing Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos To Children
WASHINGTON—Speaking out against his former employer while testifying before Congress, terminally ill snack-food mascot…
Yosemite Expands Lodging Accommodations With New Log Cabin High-Rises
YOSEMITE VILLAGE, CA—In an effort to make one of the country’s most celebrated natural wonders more accessible to the…
Nation Celebrates Valentine’s Day
Today, millions of Americans will celebrate romance with chocolates, flowers, and other offerings of love. How will you…
Elliott Abrams Defends War Crimes As Happening Back In The ’80s When Everyone Was Doing It
WASHINGTON—Explaining to the House Foreign Affairs Committee that it was a totally acceptable practice at the time,…
Annoying YouTube Algorithm Not Letting Man Forget Single Time He Watched 14 Hours Straight Of Hitler Speeches
HARTFORD, CT—Wishing he could return to browsing golf instructional videos in peace, local resident Brian O’Connell…
Meals On Wheels Volunteers Deliver Body Chocolate, Edible Underwear To Seniors Shut In On Valentine’s Day
COEUR D’ALENE, ID—In an effort to reach out to members of the community often forgotten on Valentine’s Day, local Meals…
El Chapo Given Life Sentence
Joaquín Guzmán Loera, the Mexican drug kingpin known as El Chapo, received a life sentence for criminal enterprises…