Apr 26 2019
BRENTWOOD, TN—Growing increasingly worked up over his lack of foresight, local man Alexander Diggs began to…
Apr 26 2019
Owing to a lack of vaccinations and a rise in misinformation, the nationwide measles outbreak has soared to include…
Apr 26 2019
MENLO PARK, CA—Wondering how the social media giant will unethically exploit their personal data next, Facebook…
Apr 26 2019
GREENBELT, MD—In an effort to ensure that all personal effects reached their rightful owner, prison officials…
Apr 26 2019
Apr 26 2019
WASHINGTON—Accusing the media of reading too far into the many signs featuring the flavored tortilla chips that are…
Apr 26 2019
DENVER—Admitting that finishing with the second-best record in the Western Conference has been a bit of a setback…
Apr 26 2019
Apr 26 2019
SARASOTA, FL—Admitting he had encountered a new kind of emptiness in his life since leaving his job nine months ago,…
Apr 26 2019
As springtime blooms and summer awaits, it’s the perfect time for a picnic. The Onion provides tips for a fun,…
Apr 26 2019
CHICAGO—Expressing their elation at the rare specimen’s successful mating, Field Museum officials announced the…
Apr 26 2019
The Federal Aviation Administration has certified Alphabet’s Wing Aviation delivery service to operate as an…
Apr 25 2019
Apr 25 2019
Apr 25 2019
Apr 25 2019
BRISTOL, CT—Cooly asserting that the best choice for everyone at the NFL draft was to “just go with the flow,” an…
Apr 25 2019
NASHVILLE, TN—In a long-awaited culmination of the bold strategic move made several seasons ago, the Racine Legion…
Apr 25 2019
PALO ALTO, CA—Assuring investors that the rogue vehicle would be found and reprogrammed as soon as possible, Tesla…
Apr 25 2019
CHICAGO—Saying that he refused to become just another statistic, local man Frank Campbell disclosed Thursday that he…
Apr 25 2019
Samsung is recalling all models of their new foldable phone after reports of breaks, bulges, and inoperational…