Jul 12 2019News in Brief7/12/19News in Brief7/12/19‘It’s Not So Bad,’ Mike Pence Reports On Conditions Of Detainment Center While Hazmat Suit DisinfectedMCALLEN, TX—Appearing calm and composed after completing a tour of a migrant detention center, Vice President Mike…
Jul 12 2019Photo Finish7/12/19Photo Finish7/12/19Russell Westbrook Quietly Asks Rockets Team Doctor If He Needs To Make Free Throw To Pass Physical
Jul 12 2019News In Photos7/12/19News In Photos7/12/19Mike Pence Assures Detained Children That They Will Have Safe, Sanitary Conditions In Heaven
Jul 12 2019News in Brief7/12/19News in Brief7/12/19Jeffrey Epstein Offers Court $32 Million Child Pornography Collection As BailNEW YORK—In an attempt to strike a deal that would allow him to stay out of jail while he awaits trial, alleged sex…
Jul 12 2019News in Brief7/12/19News in Brief7/12/19Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely ReabsorbWASHINGTON—Noting that the resignation of Alexander Acosta as Secretary of Labor marked the ouster of the third top…
Jul 12 2019News in Brief7/12/19News in Brief7/12/19National Park Service Releases Detailed Guide On What Visitors Should Do Upon Encountering SquirrelWASHINGTON—In their latest effort to educate and prepare the public for crossing the path of the ubiquitous rodents,…
Jul 12 2019News in Brief7/12/19News in Brief7/12/19Trump Honors Brave Heroes Who Slept With Wives Of Deployed SoldiersWASHINGTON—In a special White House ceremony Friday celebrating the ‘much-overlooked’ citizens for their…
Jul 12 2019News in Brief7/12/19News in Brief7/12/19Study Finds Majority Of American Health Insurance Plans Don’t Cover Sending Sickly Child To Convalesce In CountrysideCAMBRIDGE, MA—Calling much-needed attention to the issue, a study released this week by Harvard University…
Jul 11 2019News in Brief7/11/19News in Brief7/11/19ICE Sends Agents Home With Sacks Of Flour To Practice What It Like Detaining Real BabyWASHINGTON—In an effort to prepare officers for upcoming nationwide raids on undocumented immigrants, ICE officials…
Jul 11 2019News in Brief7/11/19News in Brief7/11/19Epstein Attorneys Denounce Accusers For Trying To Ruin Career Of Successful Child MolesterNEW YORK—Saying claims against the billionaire hedge fund manager were a calculated hit job, Jeffrey Epstein’s…
Jul 11 2019Commentary7/11/19Commentary7/11/19At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I WantedWhen you strike it big as a children’s author, your life changes dramatically. The money starts pouring in, and then…
Jul 11 2019News In Photos7/11/19News In Photos7/11/19Lucky Bar Mitzvah Boy Gets To Be Picture For ‘Bar Mitzvah’ Wikipedia Page
Jul 10 2019News In Photos7/10/19News In Photos7/10/19U.S. Soccer Federation Argues It Ridiculous For Female Players To Expect Same Pay As Huge Stars Like Daniel Lovitz, Djordje Mihailovic
Jul 10 2019News in Brief7/10/19News in Brief7/10/19Legal Experts Note Uproar Over Epstein Scandal May Lead To Legislators Outlawing PedophiliaANN ARBOR, MI—Calling the incident a tipping point in the argument for reform, legal experts told reporters…
Jul 10 2019Sports News In Brief7/10/19Sports News In Brief7/10/19Phoenix Suns Gorilla Involved In Altercation At Glendale-Area Gentlemen’s ClubGLENDALE, AZ—Responding to leaked video footage of the drunk simian shoving a dancer and throwing a bottle of Dom…
Jul 10 2019News in Brief7/10/19News in Brief7/10/19Outraged Trump Declares He Would’ve Gotten Jeffrey Epstein Way More Lenient Plea DealWASHINGTON—As he lambasted the plea bargain that put Jeffrey Epstein behind bars for 13 months while allowing him to…
Jul 10 2019News In Photos7/10/19News In Photos7/10/19Family Creeped Out By Alexa Playing Back Conversations They Haven’t Even Had Yet
Jul 10 2019News in Brief7/10/19News in Brief7/10/19Sweden Announces Plan To Get 100% Of Energy From Unguarded Wall Outlet In Finland By 2030STOCKHOLM—Touting the plan as “extremely cost-effective and easily sustainable through the foreseeable future,”…