Vol 55 Issue 34

WICHITA, KS—Urging calm as the wailing conservative politicians jostled for a place at their deceased benefactor’s…

Democratic 2020 contender Bernie Sanders announced the most expansive climate plan among the field, spending $16…

THE HEAVENS—Noting that the deceased billionaire wasted no time after entering into Heaven’s gates, angelic sources…

Massive human-caused fires in the Amazon are burning the rainforest at a record rate, stoking global concerns about…

ANAHEIM, CA––Assuring the crowd of onlookers that the beloved cartoon character was merely enjoying a little rest…

SOUDERTON, PA—Expressing frustration that he has not actually earned his position, Little League sources told…

MISSOULA, MT—Observing that she seems to “go a bit overboard” with her enthusiasm for the season, sources confirmed…

NAPA, CA—Revealing that the writing staff kept his character arc a secret up until the final days, Raiders…

Issuing tax exemptions to religious institutions has long been a practice of the secular U.S. government, but…

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Rending his garments and dashing towards the door as his face began to twist in anguish, distraught…

A poll released Wednesday found that 42% of respondents who voted for Trump in 2016 would hold him partially…

BRASILIA—In response to an environmental crisis that threatened mass swaths of the country, the Brazilian government…

SMITHFIELD, VA—Screaming and wailing through tears as mascara streamed down his cheeks, a makeup-smeared President…

SEQUIM, WA—In a speech delivered to supporters addressing the end of his presidential campaign, Washington Governor…

The Trump administration has announced it is ending a federal court agreement that limits detainment of migrant…

WASHINGTON—Advising motorists to remain vigilant at all times, the U.S. Department of Transportation released a…