Aug 30 2019American Voices8/30/19American Voices8/30/19Phone Companies Partner With All 50 States To Fight RobocallsEvery major phone company in the country has partnered with the 50 states to address illegal robocalls through…
Aug 30 2019News in Brief8/30/19News in Brief8/30/19Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Bull Intended For PresidentWASHINGTON—Placing his own body between the head of state and a mortal threat without a single thought or moment’s…
Aug 30 2019Infographic8/30/19Infographic8/30/19Famous Instances Of Censorship In U.S. HistoryUniversal Pictures’ recent decision to shelve the film The Hunt in the face of protests from President Trump and…
Aug 30 2019News In Photos8/30/19News In Photos8/30/19Biden Declares Self Only Candidate Who Can Defeat George Bush In 1988 Election
Aug 30 2019News in Brief8/30/19News in Brief8/30/19Horrified Amazon Worker Awakes From Warehouse Accident To Find Jeff Bezos Welding Mechanical Limbs Onto Stumps Where Arms Used To BeSEATTLE—Following an incident in which the employee was severely injured and rendered unconscious by a 30-foot fall…
Aug 30 2019News In Photos8/30/19News In Photos8/30/19Ed Sheeran Announces Plan To Give Public Well-Deserved Break From His Music
Aug 30 2019News in Brief8/30/19News in Brief8/30/19Centipede Tearing Ass Across Floor Must Be Really Late For SomethingSCHAUMBURG, IL—Noting that the little fucker must be in some seriously deep shit to be booking it like that, local…
Aug 30 2019American Voices8/30/19American Voices8/30/19Marriott Phasing Out Tiny Plastic Toiletry BottlesIn a policy change that will remove an estimated 1.7 million pounds of plastic waste, Marriott International, the…
Aug 30 2019News In Photos8/30/19News In Photos8/30/19New 23andMe Feature Connects Users To Others Who Share Genetic Tendency To Get Billed For $199
Aug 30 2019News in Brief8/30/19News in Brief8/30/19Hardcore Weezer Fan Hates Everything Band Has Released Since FormingOAKLAND, CA—Stressing that the band had gone downhill since the days they came into existence, hardcore Weezer fan…
Aug 30 2019News8/30/19News8/30/19A True War: EA Reveals The Next Battlefield Game Will Take Place In A Divorcing FamilyBig news, Battlefield fans! After months of speculation, EA made a splash this week when they revealed the next…
Aug 29 2019News In Photos8/29/19News In Photos8/29/19Diplo Launches New House Music Label That You Should Totally Send Your Tapes To, Seriously, You Never Know
Aug 29 2019News In Photos8/29/19News In Photos8/29/19Sarah Huckabee Sanders To Join Fox News As American Flag
Aug 29 2019American Voices8/29/19American Voices8/29/19U.S., Taliban Close In On Peace DealThe Taliban and the United States are “close” to a peace agreement in their talks that would see a gradual…
Aug 29 2019News in Brief8/29/19News in Brief8/29/19Experts Warn Hurricane Dorian Could Devastate Florida’s Wild Sea-Doo PopulationFORT LAUDERDALE, FL—With Hurricane Dorian now expected to make landfall in Florida as a Category 4 storm, wildlife…
Aug 29 2019Infographic8/29/19Infographic8/29/19Everything You Need To Know About ‘Death Stranding’As the brainchild of one of the industry’s leading minds, Hideo Kojima’s mysterious Death Stranding might be the…
Aug 29 2019News in Brief8/29/19News in Brief8/29/19YouTuber’s Enthusiasm Clearly Flagging By 45th Minute Of ‘Ride The Lightning’ Guitar Solo LessonKENT, OH—As the musician on the screen lost his place and restarted for the third time, sources confirmed Thursday…
Aug 29 2019Photo Finish8/29/19Photo Finish8/29/19Kobe Bryant Claims He Would’ve Won 12 Rings If Shaq’s Deadbeat Father Was Around To Instill Stronger Work Ethic
Aug 29 2019News in Brief8/29/19News in Brief8/29/19Breaking: The Onion Has Detected A Virus On Your ComputerYOUR LOCATION—Noting that a complete scan of your memory storage had found spyware that could harm your data and…