Dec 29Slideshow12/29/20Slideshow12/29/20This One’s Just For The Foot FetishistsWell, hello there, beautiful.
Dec 26News in Brief12/26/20News in Brief12/26/205,000-Foot Ball Of Discarded Packaging Material Barrels Across Nation Consuming Everything In PathSILVER SPRING, MD—Leaving behind a devastating trail of destruction, a 5,000-foot ball of discarded packaging…
Dec 25News In Photos12/25/20News In Photos12/25/20Child’s Delighted Face On Christmas Morning Not Even Close To Worth $200
Dec 24Slideshow12/24/20Slideshow12/24/20How To Navigate The Holidays AloneWhile many people will be gathering with family and friends this holiday season to eat, drink, and be merry, others…
Dec 24News in Brief12/24/20News in Brief12/24/20Logistics Of Eating Oversized Candy Cane Completely OverwhelmingEAGAN, MN—Intimidated yet intrigued as he contemplated the two-pound, 3,500-calorie peppermint treat, local man Mark…
Dec 23Slideshow12/23/20Slideshow12/23/20The Onion’s Tips For Spreading Christmas CheerThe Christmas season is a special time of year that is meant to be filled with joy and goodwill. Here are The Onion’s…
Dec 23News in Brief12/23/20News in Brief12/23/20‘Come Home For Christmas Now,’ Whispers Dad As Enraged Mom Rips Stove, Dishwasher From WallKANSAS CITY, MO—Holding his breath and cowering in a corner as the screaming 58-year-old tore through his house,…
Dec 22Slideshow12/22/20Slideshow12/22/20The 4 Other Human Beings We Saw This YearHis name might be Curtis? After a while though we figured we had to start tipping, otherwise we’d be embarrassed.
Dec 22VideoOnion Film Standard12/22/20 VideoOnion Film Standard12/22/20The Onion Reviews ‘Wonder Woman 1984’
Dec 22Slideshow12/22/20Slideshow12/22/20How People Around The World Celebrate ChristmasFrom fashioning straw yule goats in Scandinavia to the Feast of the Seven Fishes in southern Italy, Christmas is…
Dec 21News in Brief12/21/20News in Brief12/21/20Humane Trap-And-Removal Program Sedates Tenants So They Unconscious During EvictionORLANDO, FL—Aiming to make the process of forcible displacement easier for all involved, a new humane…
Dec 21News In Photos12/21/20News In Photos12/21/20Michigan Restaurant Server Asks Frozen Bodies Of Dining Couple On Outdoor Patio If They’d Like To See Dessert Menu
Dec 21Slideshow12/21/20Slideshow12/21/20State-By-State Covid-19 RestrictionsThe Onion provides in-depth coverage of how the coronavirus response is being mismanaged, botched, and fucked up at…
Dec 21News in Brief12/21/20News in Brief12/21/20Study: Christmas Still Most Unoriginal Day To Commit SuicideNEW YORK—Describing the choice of the holiday as a trite and uninspired decision, researchers at Columbia University…
Dec 21American Voices12/21/20American Voices12/21/20Boat Filled With Cocaine Washes Ashore On Marshall IslandsAuthorities in the Marshall Islands say a boat containing an estimated $80 million worth of cocaine that washed…