Report: Russia Managed To Penetrate Voter Databases In Order To Ensure Election Was Fair And Free Like The Loyal Allies They Are

ARLINGTON, VA—The Department of Homeland Security released a report Thursday confirming that Russia had in fact penetrated U.S. voter databases in order to ensure the 2016 general election was fair and free, just like the loyal allies they are. “After an exhaustive, months-long investigation, we have discovered…

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Nation’s Women Fantasize About Some Future Election That Isn’t Absolutely Pivotal To Their Well-Being

WASHINGTON—Saying it’s nice sometimes to let their imaginations run wild, the nation’s female voters told reporters Tuesday they have been fantasizing a lot lately about some far-off presidential election in the future that is not absolutely crucial to their well-being. “It would be really nice if, someday, my basic…

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