White House Photographer Disturbed To Find Faint, Ghostly Image Of Melania Trump In Background Of Every Photo

WASHINGTON—Eyes widening in terror as she scrolled through the day’s images, chief official White House photographer Shealah Craighead became increasingly disturbed Thursday after discovering a faint, ghostly image of Melania Trump in the background of every photo she had taken. “I swear the State Dining Room was…

‘Sometimes It Feels Like You’re The Only One Who Understands Me,’ Whispers Trump To White House Roach Infestation

WASHINGTON—Saying that its presence had been a valuable source of comfort at a difficult time, President Trump reportedly told the White House cockroach infestation on Friday that it alone truly understood him. “Things are so tough right now, and it’s nice to know someone out there has so much in common with me,…

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Shy Ex-Citigroup Executive Struggling To Fit In With Popular Clique Of Ex–Goldman Sachs Executives At White House

WASHINGTON—Noting that the tight-knit group rarely associated with others, shy ex-Citigroup executive Harold Burke told reporters Friday that he has been struggling to fit in with the popular clique of ex–Goldman Sachs executives at the White House. “They’ve all known each other for years, and they have all kinds of…

White House Staff Reminded To Place Lids Firmly On Trash Cans After Steve Bannon Gets Into Garbage Again

WASHINGTON—Following a series of incidents that left food and used paper products scattered throughout the West Wing, White House staff were reminded Friday to place lids firmly on all trash cans after President Trump’s senior advisor, Steve Bannon, got into the garbage again. “It’s imperative that everyone securely…