China Strong
NEW YORK—According to all sources, the People's Republic of China is strong. The nation is united, the military…
American Consumer Masses Agree: It Fish Time!
AMERICA—Many citizens in the U.S. are enjoying Yu Wan Mei fish by-products, which are respected throughout the land for…
Nothing At All Happens To 28 Tibetan Protesters, Their Families
YANTAI, CHINA—In a non-news event, which did not occur and therefore warrants no coverage, nothing at all happened to…
Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet
PHOENIX—Christopher Pierson, a glassy-eyed, slothful lump of a child who still watches cartoons despite being tall…
Three Dozen Confirmed *@@## In Power Plant *@@##
*@@## PROVINCE—Emergency *@@## reported to the scene of a most *@@## early @## morning, pulling several *@@## bodies…
Why Did No One Inform Us Of The Imminent Death Of The American Newspaper Industry?
Not two weeks ago, Yu Wan Mei was ebullient with anticipation of inescapable success upon acquiring the Onion…
Yao Ming!
EARTH—The entire world population confirmed Friday that Houston Rockets center Yao Ming is the greatest athlete in the…
Toddler Chokes To Death On Plastic Taiwanese-Made Toy
NASHVILLE, TN—Ryan Caldwell, a beautiful† 4-year-old child, no doubt the very future of the Caldwell family and a…
Computer Injuries Sharply Increase
Between 1994 and 2006, acute injuries from computers have risen 800 percent. What do you think?
Report: Majority Of Americans Proficient At Owing Large Sums Of Money
WASHINGTON—A new report has revealed that when it comes to the important matter of owing large sums of money, Americans…