Takeaways From The New Hampshire Primaries

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The New Hampshire presidential primaries took place on February 11, with President Donald Trump seeking reelection and several candidates locked in fierce competition for Democratic delegates. The Onion provides the most important takeaways from the New Hampshire primaries.


Exit polls indicated there at least 283,440 people in New Hampshire.

Suspicious lack of technical difficulties.

Bernie Sanders loses to Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg in key battle for second and third place.

Deval Patrick and Michael Bennet bested by “Other.”

Cold rain and common sense not deterring 154 people from leaving home to vote for Cory Booker.

Buttigieg unable to carry momentum from preemptively declaring victory in Iowa to preemptively declaring victory in other states.


If you ask the bartender at Buffalo Wild Wings to turn on the New Hampshire primaries for you, he’ll give you a look, but he’ll still do it.


Elizabeth Warren struggles to shore up support among people who have made up minds to vote for another candidate.


Tom Steyer had a nice time with his friends.

Vote goes in, gets counted. Simple as that, Iowa.